It could be said that not everyone is brought up by parents who treat them in the right way, and this can have a big effect on how they will experience life as an adult. For some people, this would have been a time when they were abused on a regular basis, for others, this would have taken place from time to time.
This is not to say that if someone was only abused from time to time their adult life is going to be easier than it would be for someone who experienced abuse on a regular basis. This comes down to the fact that there is what happens and then there is how someone responds to what happens.
So if someone hasn’t been through as much as someone else but they are worse off than they are, it doesn’t mean that they are therefore weak. After all, this is not a time when one needs to compare themselves with what other people have gone though; it is all about their own experience.
One thing that is going to play a part in how someone responds to being abused is how sensitive they are. If they are sensitive, it is going to be a lot harder for them to handle stress.
Even so, this doesn’t mean that they can’t move on from what happened if they receive the right support. And even though they are sensitive, they could also have another part of them that is extremely resilient.
Along with this, one could have the need to heal what has taken place; whereas someone else might not have this, and this could mean that what took place will end up defining their life. What will also play a part here is how aware someone is; as they might not even have the desire to face what happened.
One way of looking at this would be to say that what happened during their early years will be what defines whether they are aware or not as an adult. Another way of looking at it would be to say that some people are born aware and some people are not.
Still, when one faces up to what happened it will give them the opportunity to gradually move on. There will then be no reason for them to go from being a victim to a perpetrator.
As even though one wasn’t responsible for what happened, they are responsible for how they treat other people. And if they don’t face up to what happened and work though it, it can cause them to mistreat other people.
In the short-term, this can cause them to experience even more pain, and one could come to believe that it is not worth the effort. However, while this will this is not going to be easy in the beginning, it will get easier as time goes by.
On the other hand, if one was to carry on as they are, it is highly unlikely that their life would get any better. In fact, it would probably get a lot worse as time goes by, and this is why it is so important for them to reach out for the right support.
If this doesn’t take place, one could end going down another path, and this could mean that they will end causing a lot of harm. What could take place is that they will have children, and the same thing will happen all over again.
One will then have gone from being the victim to being the perpetrator, and this will show that they lack self-awareness. The abuse won’t have started with them and it won’t end with them either.
Alternatively, one could end up causing harm to the people who abused them when they were younger. When they were younger their parent/s would have abused them and now that they are older, they will be the ones who are abusing their parent/s.
What this can show is that they are filled with a lot of anger and rage, and this stops them from being able to think clearly. One is then going to be consumed by their need to harm the people who harmed them.
A Number of Ways
This could take place though one verbally abusing one or both of their parents, or they could even harm them physically. It is then going to be clear that one doesn’t care about the effect this is having on them.
So even their parents would have been seen as all power figures many years ago, they could now be old and frail. It is then not going to be possible for these people to fight back, and it could have a negative effect on their health.
Due to what they experienced when they were younger, they could believe that they are not doing anything wrong. If anything, they are getting their own back for all the years of abuse.
The trouble is that on some level, their parents probably felt the same way, and so they are no different to the people who abused them. Ultimately, they are being controlled by their emotions.
A Closed Heart
The experiences they had whilst growing up will have caused them to close their heart, and this is then why they are able to behave in such a destructive manner. They won’t be able to empathise with their parent/s or to display compassion.
One is not going to be able to rise above what has taken place; they will be caught up in it. Physically they will look like a human being, but they are going to be acting more like a robot.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.