Child Abuse: Do Some People Need To Live In Denial In Order To Get On With Their Parents?

If one was to think about their parents, they may find that they start to feel good. What this can then show is that they have a good relationship with them, and this could be how it has always been.

Now, this is not to say that they have never had any arguments with them; what it means is that they won’t allow anything to pull them apart. Therefore, if something does happen between, they will find a way to resolve it.

Part of Life

One way of looking at this would be to say that it is part of life for one to experience conflict with their parents from time to time. At times, this may mean that they will disagree on something fairly trivial, and, at others, it may relate to something that is far more serious.

If, on the other hand, one was simply an extension of their parents, there would be no reason for them to experience conflict. But as they have their own needs and feelings, it is not going to be possible for them to agree on everything.

How it should Be

And as one’s parents are able to realise that they are not an extension of them, it could be said that they will be behaving in the right way. These people will have brought them into the world, but they won’t see them as being their property

So while there may be moments when they don’t want one to do something, they will realise that it is not up to them to decide how one lives their life. What this could show is that one’s parents were also treated in the same way by their parents.

Another Experience

Or, if this was not how they were treated, it will show that they were able to take a step back and to see how it should be done. If they were unable to do this, they would have ended up treating their child in the same way as they were.

This may have meant that their child would still be in their life, or it might have caused their child to keep their distance. But even if their child was in their life, it doesn’t mean that they would have a healthy relationship with them.

Ready to Listen

As they are able to work through the moments when they experience conflict, it will show that their parents are willing it listen to them. Thus, even though one is going to be younger than they are, they will still treat them like an adult.

If this wasn’t the case and their parents were not willing to listen to what they have to say, it wouldn’t be possible for them to work through anything. Their relationship would be one-sided, and one would have to ignore their own needs and feelings.
 
Back to Reality

When one’s parents listen to what they have to say, their life is going to be lot easier than it would be if they didn’t listen. Through working through each issue that arises, it is also likely to bring them closer together.

One will then be able to count on their parents to be there for them when they need to be supported. However, while this is going to be how some people experience life, there are going to be others who don’t.

A Dream

If they were to experience life in this way, it might only take place when they are dreaming. What this is going to show is that their parents are not always going to be able to listen to what they have to say to them.

So when it comes to something that they don’t agree on, it might be a challenge for them to resolve it. If they are able to move forward, it may mean that one has had to ignore their own needs and feelings.

Out of Balance

One is then going to focus on their parents needs and to neglect themselves in the process. At a deeper level, their parents might not understand that one is an individual; as far as they are concerned, one could be seen as an extension of them.

Their true-self is seldom going to see the light of day when they are in their presence, and one could feel as though their support is conditional. When this is something that only takes place from time to time, they might be able to put up with it.

A Big Problem

But when one is in a position where they were abused by their parents and these people are not willing to acknowledge what took place, it is going to be a lot harder for them to carry on as normal. This may be something that they think about whenever they see their parents.

Yet even though their parents didn’t treat them well during their early years, they could act as though one is making it all up. It can then be as if they are speaking to a brick wall, and one might even have moments when they wonder if they are.

Denial

If one has only spoken to them a few times about it, they may believe that they will soon change. Or one might have tried to get through to them on so many occasions, that it will be clear that they are not going to change.

One can then come to see that they either face what happened and limit the time they spend around their parents (or cut them out of their life completely), or they deny what happened and continue to spend time with their parents. If they go with the first option, their life is likely to improve, but if they go with the second option, their life could get a lot worse.

Awareness

There will be the effect this will have on their mental and emotional health, and what it will do to their relationships. As a result of what happened to them when they were younger, they might feel worthless, but this is not the truth.

Ultimately, one is valuable, and this is why it is vital for them to listen to their own needs and feelings.  If one is finding it hard to stand their ground, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk