If someone was treated badly during the beginning of their life, by the very people who were supposed to love and protect them, the last thing on their mind can be to show them compassion. In fact, what they could think about is how they would like to get revenge for what was done to them.
This could be very similar to how they used to be as a child, with them having the desire get their own back for what was being done to them. The difference now, of course, is that they will be a lot bigger than they were.
They could spend a lot of time thinking about what they could do to punish the people who punished them. There might also be other moments when they end up falling down, into the pain that they experienced as a child.
Experiencing anger, and even rage, will allow them to feel strong and capable, while putting these emotions to one side will cause them to feel powerless and helpless. Based on this, the need to experience revenge can be a way for them to avoid their true feelings.
Not an Option
If someone is experiencing life in this way and they are unable to take a step back, there is going to be no reason for them to change their behaviour. Ultimately, this is where they are at this point in their life.
Another person could talk to them about hoe destructive this is and how they need to face their wounds, but it could fall on deaf ears. They might even end up telling this person that they don’t know what they are talking about, along with acting aggressively towards them.
Looking For A Way Out
However, if someone is aware of what is going on and can see that this is not getting them anywhere, they might look for a way to experience life differently. They will be aware that part of them wants to get revenge and that this same part is also full of fear and feels completely powerless.
There might also still be times when they end up being fully absorbed in this part and lose the ability to see what is going on. But, even though this part will take over from time to time, it won’t be enough to stop them from moving forward with their life.
A Balanced Outlook
What this shows is that they have developed enough awareness to see how futile it is to get caught up in something that took place so many years ago. Not only is this having a negative effect on their wellbeing, it is also stopping them from creating a life that matches up with who they a really are.
In order for them to get to this point, they may have already worked through some of the pain that is within them. If they hadn’t done this, it would be a lot harder for them to step back and to see how much pain their inner child is in.
It can then seem as though someone can either get caught up in how they feel or they can gradually move through it, yet there is another thing that can take place. One can end up disconnecting from how they really feel and act as though their childhood was fine.
This could set them up to be a people pleaser, and to suffer from depression and anxiety, among other things. Intellectually, they will have one outlook, but their body will know exactly what took place.
It would be easy to say that this person is just in denial and that they need to face reality, or else they will continue to suffer in silence. But while they are in denial, they are likely to be carrying a lot of pain within them
Therefore, it is not going to be as if this is something they have just consciously chosen to do; it will have been a defence that was put in place to keep them alive. Taking this into account, they will gradually need to peel away the layers that are covering up what is within them, and this will probably require external support.
When someone does work through the wounds that are within them, their heart might gradually begin to open. As this takes place, they may start to find that it is easier for them to show compassion towards others and themselves.
They may begin to wonder why their parents - or any else who was around - behaved in the way that they did. It might become clear that these people were not even aware of what they were doing.
One Step Further
Additionally, they may find out that these people were treated in a similar way during the beginning of their life. It might go back even further, which means that their grandparents may have also had a similar experience.
As a result of this, one would not be acting in a conscious manner if they were to spend their whole life being angry at the people who were, in many ways, an effect on their early abuse. If they were to allow this pain to define them, they would end up going down the same path.
The main thing is that one faces and works through their own wounds - and what has been passed down ancestrally – and doesn’t force themselves to show compassion to the people who abused them. Compassion could be seen as a by-product of doing this kind of work.
When it comes to working through these wounds, the assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.