Child Abuse: How Can Someone Develop A Sense Of Safety And Security After Being Abused?

In the same way that a house will need strong foundations, a human being will also need strong foundations. When strong foundations are laid down for a house, this part will be strong enough to handle the other levels that are added, and, when it comes to a human being, strong foundations will be what enable them to grow and develop in the right way.

However, what can stop a house from being built in this way is if it is built by people who don’t know what they are doing. It then won’t matter if the rest of the house is right, as the most important part won’t be.

A Similar Scenario

If a human being doesn’t have strong foundations, it is likely to show that their caregivers didn’t know what they were doing during the beginning of their life. What took place at this time would then have stopped this from taking place.

The trouble is that even though this can lead to all kinds of challenges, it doesn’t mean that someone will be able to connect the dots, so to speak, and to see how their childhood years are affecting their adult years. Even so, they are likely to be only too aware of the symptoms.

A Living Hell

To say that their caregivers didn’t know what they were doing might be an understatement, as it could have been as if they did everything they could to make their life a misery. This would then have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected.

Therefore, instead of being able to let go and to trust the people around them, someone like this would have needed to be on guard at all times. The people who were supposed to love and care for them would then have the people who they had to look out for.

On The Inside

What was going on outside their home wouldn’t have been their main concern; their main concern would have been what was taking place behind closed doors. But, while this was abuse, it would have most likely become what was normal.

And, even if they did come to see that something wasn’t right, the fear of what might happen if they did open up about it would have kept them quiet. Along with this, due to being egocentric at this time in their life, one may have come to believe that the reason they were treated this way was due to how flawed they were.
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Trapped

Ultimately, this would have been a time when they would have experienced immense pressure and stress, and this is precisely what they didn’t need to experience at this age. At an age when they were not very resourceful, they would have experienced things that would have been hard for an adult to handle, let alone a small child.

The years would then have gone by and one would have done their best to act like an adult, even though deep within them was a deeply traumatised child (children). What they could find - as a result of not being able to develop a sense of safety and security - is that they find it hard to connect to their body.

Disconnected

This could mean that they spend most of their life in their head, and they may even have the tendency to dissociate from themselves. Connecting to their feelings and needs is then going to be a challenge.

Through not having a strong connection to their body, it may also mean that they rarely reveal their true-self. Behaving how other people want them to (and how they think they want them to), is going to be what feels safe.

Its Missing

Without an inner sense of safety and security, it is not going to be possible for them to be themselves and to express their true-self. It is going feel far too dangerous for them to assert themselves.

And, through having so much going on in their body, it is going to be just as much of a challenge for them to stay in there - popping out of it will be what feels safe. Still, getting back in their body and feeling safe is not something that will happen through force.

Blocked

One way of looking at this would be to say that their root/base chakra didn’t get the chance to develop in the right way and this is what is stopping the rest of their chakras from functioning in the right way. The energy that comes up through the earth, through their root chakra and energises the rest of their chakras is unable to get through.

Regardless of whether one resonates with the chakra system or not, what is clear is that feeling safe and secure is vital when it comes to living a fulfilling life. The only way that they will reveal who they really are is if they feel safe enough to do so.

Mother Nature

Spending time in nature is going to be an essential part of developing a sense of safety and security. Whether someone goes into the woods, a forest or into a field, for instance, this is going to be somewhere where they will have the chance to just be and to relax.

And, if they are in tune with the earth, they might even be able to receive the support, love and nurturing that the earth provides. What can stop this from taking place is if one believes that these are things that can only be provided by human beings and is not in tune with the more subtle energies of life.

Re-Rooting

Another part of this will be for one to practice something that will gradually allow them to re-anchor themselves in their body, and there are a number of things that can help with this. Yoga, Tai Chi, and Qi Gong, are all of these things can help one to get into their body and to release stuck energy.

Walking barefoot is another way for one to reconnect to the earth and to feel more grounded and embodied in the process. This might sound a bit airy fairy, but the best thing will be for one to give it a go and to see how they get on.

Awareness

What is going to be equally as important as spending time in nature and having some kind of practise that one can use to ground themselves, will be to work though the trauma that is within them. Somatic experiencing and TRE are two tools that can assist one in this process.

There are, of course, plenty of other things that someone can to do gradually develop an inner sense of safety and security but, no matter what approach is taken, it will be vital for them to be patient and persistent. They didn’t end up this way overnight and they certainly won’t transform their life overnight either.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk