If someone was to come to see that they were mistreated during their formative years, they could find it hard to get their head around what happened. But, as their own parent or parents will have been the ones who didn’t treat them well, this is not going to be much of a surprise.
This person or these people, who should have treated them well, often treated them as though they were nothing. What could also enter their mind is how some of their friends were treated and how different their upbringing was.
A Big Impact
As they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have personalised what took place. Thanks to this, although they didn’t deserve to be treated badly, they can believe that they did deserve to be treated this way.
If they have thought about how some of their friends were treated and how different their upbringing was, a big part of them can believe that they were more deserving than them. In reality, their friends wouldn't have been more deserving than them.
The Next Step
Now, after they have come to accept this or even before, they could have the need to find out why they were treated this way. A big part of them could believe that once they find out, they will be able to move on with their life.
However, while this is likely to help them, it probably won’t allow them to put the past behind them. For this to take place they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet development needs to experience, among other things.
Nonetheless, by looking for answers, they could soon learn that their parent or parents were simply evil. They were then inherently bad people who enjoyed harming them and making their life a misery.
From this, it will be clear that how they were treated wasn’t their fault and that it wouldn’t have mattered what they were like. This will mean that even if another person was brought up by them, they would have been treated in the same way.
Then again, they might not be willing to accept that their parent or parents were simply evil. If so, they could put this view to one side and continue to look for an answer that sits right with them.
Soon enough, they could learn about how their parent or parents were not mentally or emotionally well and might have even had brain damage. Along with this, that they were mistreated during their formative years.
One Generation to Another
Thus, as opposed to their parent or parents simply being evil; they will have been deeply wounded by their parent or parents and ended up passing on what was done to them. This is not to say that this makes it more acceptable but what it does do is shed light on what happened, whilst calling something evil doesn’t.
Still, it could be hard for them to accept how their parent or parents could be mistreated and then do the same thing to their own child. What they can keep in mind is that what they experienced had a massive impact on their brain and body and this greatly affected their ability to operate as a whole human being.
A Closer Look
So, and assuming that one parent mistreated them, for this parent to handle what took place during their formative years, they would have had to disconnect from themselves and become an unfeeling human being. This would have taken place to stop them from falling apart.
Disconnecting from their body and thus, their feelings, a number of their needs and essence, would have allowed them to keep it together. Another part of this is that they would have lost touch with reality and created a false view of their parent or parents and what was going on.
Living a Lie
Part of this would have involved them believing that their parent or parents were good and that they themselves were bad. As they were powerless and totally dependent, they were not in a position to face reality.
The years would then have passed and when they ended up having a child, a being who was not a threat to them, they would have unconsciously seen their child as the parent or parents who mistreated them. Harming their child would then have been a way for them to harm the parent or parents, or anyone else for that matter, who harmed them.
What this illustrates is that there was what was going on in their conscious mind and how they saw themselves and, below this part of them, were feelings and needs that they were not aware of. These will be needs and feelings that they had to repress to survive; if they had expressed them, they might have been harmed and/or abandoned.
And, if this parent is unable to accept that they were abusive all those years ago, it is likely to show that they are simply not strong enough to acknowledge how they behaved. As, if they were to do this, they would also end up coming into contact with how they really felt toward their own parent or parents.
Due to how much pain they are likely to be carrying, the only way that they can function is by blocking out how they were treated, how they treated their child and parts of their current reality that go against their view of themselves. This shows how the more pain that someone carries, the harder it will be for them to face reality.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.