If someone was to see that they were abused as a child, they can struggle with two questions. Firstly, they can wonder why their own parents treated them so badly, and secondly, they can wonder why their parents would repeat what was done to them.
These two questions can consume their mind a little while after they have started to heal themselves. The reason for this is that for a number of years, they might not have even realised that they were abused.
Due to how much pain they went through as a child, their mind may have ended up blocking out what took place. They would then have had problems as an adult, but they wouldn’t have been able to see why this was the case.
One may have believed that they were just born this way or that there was something wrong with their genetics, for instance. Their early years would then have been fine or ‘not that bad’, with them just having a faulty mind and body.
Another Road Block
Once they were able to get to the point where they could see that their childhood was anything but fine or not that bad, it could have been as if they opened up Pandora’s Box. What they came into contact with would have been inside them all alone, yet it might have been as though it came out of nowhere.
Still, this doesn’t mean that they could simply accept what took place and work through their wounds. No, this may have been a time when they felt the need to protect their parents.
Part of them may have known that what they came into contact with was the truth, while another part of them may have dismissed it. They may have believed that their parents did the best that they could and that they loved them.
Getting to the point where they could accept what actually took place may have taken them a little while. What may have also played a part in their ability to accept this could have been the work that they did on embracing their inherent worth.
A Very Low Place
Being treated so badly as a child would have stopped them from developing their self worth, which would have caused them to believe that they deserved to be treated badly. By having this view of themselves, it would have made it harder for them to see that they were treated badly.
The connection that they have developed with their inherent worth would then have allowed them to see clearly. There is a strong chance that it took a lot of strength and courage for them to get to this point.
The Other Side
So after they got to a certain point, they may have started to wonder why their parents behaved in this way. However, even if they ended talking to their parents about what took place all those years ago, it doesn’t mean they were able to get anywhere.
One or both of their parents may have simply dismissed what they said and made out that nothing happened. It will then be clear that they are not going to get anywhere with them.
Looking For Answers
After having looked into child abuse, they may have heard on a number of occasions that this is something that is often passed down from one generation to another. Upon hearing this, they may have looked into what their parents early years were like.
This may have been a time when they asked their parents what their childhood was like, talked to other family members and family friends. So by doing this research, they may have found that their parents were also most likely abused during their early years.
A Confusing Time
If this is indeed the case, not only will they have been harmed by the people who were supposed to love and protect them, the people who did this had also been through something similar when they were children. And to top it all off, these people will deny that they were abusive and they might even deny that they were abused as children.
Until one is able to heal a certain amount of their inner wounds, it can be hard for them to accept that their parents will most likely always be in denial. The only thing that they can do is to heal the wounds that are stopping them from being able to accept this and, as this takes place, they will be able to gradually let go of the need for their parents to validate what they went through.
The Evidence Is There
But, although their parents can deny that they were abusive and that they were abused as children, there is the chance that it is clear to see that something bad has happened to them. Whether this shows that they were abused as a child could be seen as being open to debate, yet this is probably exactly what it shows.
For one thing, if it is not possible for their parents to really listen to what they have to say and to show compassion, it is likely to show that they are closed hearted. Could they be this way because they experienced so much pain as a child that they had to emotionally shut down to survive?
Their need to deny that one had a troubled childhood is likely to be a way of them to prevent their own pain from rising up. If they were to really listen to what one had to say, they could end up getting in touch with all their early wounds and this pain could wipe them out.
One can then take it personally, but the reason they won’t be able to face up to what took place can be because of their own trauma. Another thing that can prove that their early years were not very functional is if they have mental and emotional problems.
Not In A Good Way
For example, one of their parents could be someone who is incredibly anxious, fearful and has extreme mood swings. Through being this way, other people may have the tendency to walk on egg shells around them.
The other parent might fit the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, which means that other people will be used to being taken advantage of by them. In both of these examples, it will show that they are in a lot of pain.
Therefore, regardless of whether or not ones parents are willing to face reality, the signs will be there that their early years were not healthy. These people will have been consumed by denial, and other defence mechanisms, and this will stop them form being able to see clearly.
The most important thing here is that one heals their own wounds and does what they can to lead a life worth living. The truth is that what took place wasn’t their fault and they do deserve to live a great life.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.