The beginning of someone’s life can be a time when they received what they needed in order to develop into a well-adjusted adult. As a result of this, they will now have what they need to handle life.
Now, this is not to say that their life will be plain sailing; what it comes down to is that they won’t have the tendency to feel overwhelmed by life. There will the challenges they face and there will be the strength that they have to overcome them.
For example, if a tree was planted and this tree received what it needed, it will grow to be big and strong. And it could be said that the bigger it gets, the more pressure it will have to deal with.
This is because it will have to deal with all kinds of weather conditions, and if it wasn’t strong enough, it would soon end up falling down. In the same way, as one goes from a child to an adult, they are also going to experience more pressure.
The Early Stages
When one was a baby, there would have been people around them who looked after them and protected them. If they experienced pressure, it is likely to have been something that didn’t last for very long.
Their own growth and development would have been the most important thing, and other people would have dealt with any problems that arose. As they wouldn’t have been equipped to handle too much stress at this age, this would have been incredibly important.
Time Goes By
Yet as they continued to grow in all areas, they would have gradually been able to the handle the things that they were unable to handle before. This is then similar to how people gradually increase the amount of weight that they are able to lift as they get stronger, as opposed to putting all the weight on straight away.
Due to how complex the human brain is, this is not a process that can be rushed; it takes time and the right nutrients need to be provided. Thus, through receiving what they needed during this time, it would have allowed them to gradually give something back to the world.
Reaping the Crop
The love and care that they received would have given them ability to give love and care to other human beings. So while the people around them would have had to have put a lot of effort into their development, it would have been worth it in the long run.
A similar process takes place when one plants their own seeds to grow vegetables. When they one takes care of them in the beginning, they won’t get anything back; but after a little while, they will have a lot of healthy food to eat.
Part of Life
And through receiving what they needed to receive during this time, there will be the things that they can do that they don’t even think about. This is not to say that they don’t appreciate these things; what it comes down to is that this is likely to be how their life has been for such a long time.
What this can relate to is their ability to regulate their own emotions and to feel good about themselves. Having a sense of self, boundaries, feeling safe, and being in touch with their needs and feelings will also be part of this.
A Radically Different Experience
However, although some people will have had a childhood like this and be able to handle life as an adult, there will be others who had a difference upbringing. As a result of this, they are likely to be missing a lot of the things that other people take for granted.
If one has looked into what took place and they have been doing what they can to heal themselves, they will realise why they are different to other people. Yet if this is not the case, they could believe that the reason they are different comes down to the fact they are inherently flawed, for instance.
If they were able to find out about how their early years affected them, they might see that there is a reason why they are experiencing life in this way. There would then be no reason for them to blame themselves or to feel as though they are incapable.
This is not to say that one’s genetics won’t have played a part or that everyone responds in the same way to abuse. If one was a sensitive child, for instance, it is naturally going to be a lot harder for them to handle life as an adult if they were abused than it would be if they received what they needed.
But regardless of whether one has done any kind of healing work on themselves, there is the chance that they have reached out to others. This may have been a time when they opened up about what took place when they were younger
There may have been moments when other people were able to put themselves in their shoes and showed compassion. And due to what they have been through, this is likely to have been something that had a positive effect on them.
Alternatively, one may have had moments when people didn’t respond in this way, and one may have felt even worse. This could mean that someone made out that one was lying, or they may have told them that they need to ‘move on’.
Along with this, they may have been times when one told someone and it was if they were talking about the weather. It wouldn’t have had much of an effect on them, and it would have been clear that they were unable to empathise with them.
What’s going on?
There are a number of reasons as to why other people would respond in this way, and it could be said that it will be important for them to be careful who they open up to. As if they are not discerning, they will create even more problems for themselves.
When someone is unable to empathise with them, it can show that they are in denial about their own abuse, and if they were to connect to how one feels, they would have to face their own pain. Another reason why this would take place is that the person they spoke to had a childhood that was very different, and so they simply can’t connect to what one experienced.
One of the reasons why a therapist can make such a difference is that they will be able to offer one the empathy and compassion they need. In addition to this, there will be the support and assistance they offer that will allow one to heal themselves and to move forward.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect