If someone was abused and/or neglected during their early years, it could be hard for them to get close to others. Their early years would have been a time when the people that were supposed to love and protect them crossed their boundaries on a daily basis and violated them in a number of other ways.
Due to this, it could be said that it is to be expected that they would find it hard to let other people into their life. However, although they will have a good reason for being this way, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this.
There is the chance that they will put themselves down for being this way, believing that it’s just because they are too shy or withdrawn. Therefore, if they were to become more comfortable around others, this wouldn’t be a problem.
This could be something that other people say to them too; they could believe that one just needs to drop their guard and to let other people in. One is then not going to have a legitimate reason for keeping their distance from others; it will just come down to the fact that they are a bit awkward.
Then again, despite the fact that they went through a rough time as a child, they could come across as strong and confident. Someone like this might not have trouble making the first move and talking to others.
Yet, even though this will be the case, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to get close to anyone. When it comes to the people who they are drawn to, they could be emotionally unavailable.
A Big Difference
If the first thing takes place, one won’t be aware of how their early years are impacting their adult life. The outcome of this is that they can just believe that there is something wrong with them.
On the other hand, if the second thing takes place, one also won’t be aware of how their early years are impacting their adult life. The difference is that as they are full of confidence and reach out to others, they can believe that something or someone out there is holding them back.
In order for someone to stop blaming themselves or others, it will be essential for them to become aware of how their early years are impacting their life. Irrespective of whether they are shy or not, they are still not going to be able to get close to others and to experience intimacy.
What took place will be in the past, that is clear, but the beliefs that they created during this time will be having a big impact on their life. Thus, it won’t matter if they are aware of what they believe or not, as these beliefs will still influence their life.
The experiences that they had during the time in their life when they were extremely vulnerable, powerless and dependent would have caused them to form a number of different beliefs. These beliefs would have most likely been created unconsciously, without them even thinking about what was taking place.
The years would then have passed but what they came to believe at this stage of their life wouldn’t have changed. Thanks to these beliefs, then, one would have continued to see life in the same way.
A Threat to Their Survival
By understanding what is taking place, one will be able to transform their life; whereas without understanding what is taking place, one can believe that they are just observing their reality. One can then see that they have control over their life or they can see themselves as a victim.
If they were able to take a deeper look at what they believe, they may find that they have some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
During their early years, they may have felt overwhelmed on a regular basis and been harmed a lot, and this means that these beliefs will be a reflection of what their life was like. Now that they are an adult, though, what they came to believe at this stage of their life will be causing them to suffer unnecessarily.
For their life to change, they will need to become aware of the beliefs that they created when they were younger and to question them. This will allow them to take their power back and to create a life that is in alignment with who they are.
Another part of this can be for one to work through their emotional wounds and to resolve the trauma that is being held inside them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.