Child Abuse: What Beliefs Can Someone Have About Saying ‘No’ If They Were Abused As A Child?

If someone was abused and/or neglected as a child, one thing that they may struggle with as an adult is saying no. Thanks to this, they can have the tendency to say yes when they would rather not do something.
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This is going to mean that they will go along with things that they don’t really want to go along with. Also, one can find that they are used to being walked over and that their personal space is seldom respected.

A Doormat

From the outside, it can appear as though one is nothing more than a doormat, with them being only too happy to do whatever other people want. They might not even kick up a fuss, either.

On the inside, however, it is likely to be a different story. Behaving in this way is likely to cause them to experience a fair amount of frustration and anger, and they could spend a lot of time feeling totally helpless.

Part of Others

Ultimately, one is going to be a separate individual – someone with their own needs and feelings. But while this will be so, they will generally come across as though they are merely an extension of others.

Other people will express their needs and feelings, saying no when they don’t want to do something, yet this won’t be something that they do. Or if they do do it, it won’t be something that happens on a regular basis.

Too Much of a Risk

If they are not aware of what took place when they were younger, they won’t be able to see how their early years have affected their adult life. Nonetheless, what they may find is that the thought of saying no and standing their ground is something that causes them to feel extremely uncomfortable.

It will then be as if asserting themselves is something that will cause their life to come to an end. Being walked over will have a negative effect on their wellbeing, but it will be seen as the only option that they have.

A Slightly Different Scenario

On the other hand, even if one can remember what took place when they were younger, it doesn’t mean that this will allow them to change their circumstances. What took place may have caused them to feel worthless, which may have set them up to believe that they deserve to be treated badly.

As a result, they won’t be able to take a step back and to see that regardless of that is taking place, or what took place, they don’t deserve to experience life in this way. In both of these cases, one will need to take a step back and to detach from the part of them that believes that they deserve to suffer, so that they can start to change their life.

The Foundations

When it comes to how they see themselves and life in general, it will most likely be the result of the beliefs that they developed during their early years. These will just be things that they constructed in their mind, meaning that they won’t be the truth.

This won’t matter, though, as what they believe will define how they experience reality. What this emphasises is how powerful beliefs are and that it doesn’t matter if a belief is true or not.

The Truth

While these will just be beliefs now, there is the chance that some of these beliefs were a reflection of reality during their early years. During this time, it might not have been safe enough for them to say no and to stand their ground.

Based on what was taking place at this stage of their life, they may have formed some, if not all, of the following beliefs:

• That if they say no they will be harmed
• That if they say no they will be rejected
• That if they say no they will be abandoned
• That if they say no they will be violated
• That if they say no their life will end
• That if it is not safe for them to say no

Not a Surprise

As they have beliefs like this running, it is going to be perfectly normal for them to do things that they don’t really want to do and to let other people walk over them. This will cause them to suffer, but it will be seen as being far better than the alternative.

The beliefs that they have when it comes to saying no, and every other belief that is holding them back, will need to be brought to the light and questioned. Through doing this, they will gradually be able to let go of what took place and to embrace the present moment

Awareness

To do this, one may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach, for instance.

Along with this, one may have emotional wounds to work through and trauma to resolve. This is not going to happen overnight, but it is a process that will allow one to gradually transform their life.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk