One of the effects of early abuse and/or neglect is that one can have no sense of their own value as an adult. Deep down, they can feel as though they have absolutely no value whatsoever.
As a result of this, it will probably be hard for them to feel comfortable in their own skin and they might not realise that they deserve to receive anything. Naturally, experiencing life in this way is not going to be very fulfilling.
How Life Is
Still, while experiencing life in this way is not going to be very fulfilling, it could just be what is normal. Therefore, they could simply tolerate what is going on and not try to do anything about it.
However, if they have experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember why would they try to do anything about it? It might not even occur to them that their life could be any different.
What this could illustrate is that one is not aware of how their early years have affected their adult life. In fact, what took place when they were younger might not be too clear or it could be one big mystery.
If they were to think about this stage of their life, they may say that it wasn’t that bad or they might not be able to remember anything. This is likely to show that their mind has blocked out the memories of what took place in order to protect them.
On one side, this is a good thing as it will have made it easier to handle life, but on the other side, it will have stopped them from being able to see why their life is the way that it is. Due to how much pain there is inside them, coming to terms with what took place could be too much for them to handle.
As a result of what took place when they were younger, they are likely to be carrying a lot of emotional pain and trauma. To stop them from being overwhelmed, then, their mind will generally keep most of this locked away.
Is Still There
So their mind will have blocked the past out, but what took place will still be defining their life. Thus, one is not going to know what took place, yet they won’t have been able to actually move on from what took place and to put the past behind them.
It will be a bit like a bin that is not fully sealed; most of what is in the bin will stay there but some of what is in there will fall out. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one might not remember what took place but they will still experience the same thoughts, feelings and sensations that they experienced all those years ago.
During this stage of their life, they wouldn’t have received the love, support and attunement that they needed to be able to develop a sense of value. If they did, they would know at the core of their being that they have worth and are valuable.
And this wouldn’t have been because of what they did, looked like or achieved, but because of who they were. With this in place, it would have given them the ability to just be.
So in addition to not feeling comfortable in their own skin or as though they deserve to receive anything, they can spend a lot of time in doing mode and have the tendency to experience negative thoughts and feelings.
Their need to do things will be a result of their need to prove that they have value, as they won’t feel valuable on the inside. When it comes to their inner world, they could have a strong inner critic and they may spend a lot of time feeling low and depressed, with their being moments when they feel suicidal.
The Foundations Were Laid
What is also going to have a big impact on how they experience life as an adult are the beliefs that they formed during their early years. These beliefs would have been conclusions that they came to at this time.
As they were egocentric at this stage of their life, what was taking place would have been taken personally. Doing this would have also given them a sense of control, as if they were responsible for what was going on, they would have been able to do something about it.
A Closer Look
At this stage of their life, they may have formed some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
These Are All False
These beliefs, along with any others that one might have, have no basis in reality. A big part of them may disagree with this and this is simply due to how long they have carried these beliefs for.
It wouldn’t matter if one had carried these beliefs for thousands of years, it still doesn’t make them true. What is true is that one has inherent worth; inherent worth that won’t disappear no matter how many layers of rubbish they pick up.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.