One thing that can happen, that’s if one was abused and/or neglected as a child, is that they may have disconnected from their true-self. Due to what took place, they can believe that they have to hide who they are.
Therefore, while living in this way will stop them from being able to be an authentic human being and to fully show up in life, it can be seen as the only way for them to survive. Now, this could be something that one is acutely aware of or it could be something that is just outside of their awareness.
If one is aware of what is going on, they will still suffer but it’s just that they will have a certain level of awareness. In this case, one might realise that they typically hide who they are and put on an act.
Thanks to this, their outer self is generally going to be out of sync with their inner self. The outcome of this is that one will be used to experiencing inner conflict and it is going to be hard for them to lead a fulfilling life.
This could mean that one is not seen as successful or they could be seen as very successful. Nonetheless, no matter what is taking place externally, it won’t reflect who they truly are.
As most of their life is going to be an act, one could feel as though no one knows who they actually are. So, even if they do have people in their life, they probably won’t feel close to them.
On the other hand, if one is not aware of what is going on, they can experience inner tension and their life is not going to be fulfilling but they won’t know why this is. Playing a role and doing what other people want could be something that just happens.
A big part of them could believe that this is the right thing for them to do and that they are simply on this earth to meet other people’s needs. Nevertheless, there can be times when they feel frustrated and even empty.
Connecting the Dots
Irrespective of whether one is aware of their inner conflict and the fact that their life is not fulfilling or not, they can still be out of touch with why their life is this way. If they were to look back on what took place when they were younger, they might not be able to see that anything was wrong.
Or, they could say that this time in their life wasn’t that bad and that their caregiver/s did the best that they could, for instance. Either way, they won’t be able to connect to what really took place and to see how what took place is still affecting their life.
A Good Reason
It would be easy to say that one is just in denial and is not willing to face what took place, yet there will be far more to it. What took place during their early years would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, and to handle what took place, their mind would have had to block it out.
If their mind didn’t instinctively respond in this way, their life may have come to an end when they were younger. The trouble is that although this would have kept them alive at this stage of their life, not being able to remember what took place now that they are an adult will cause them to suffer unnecessarily.
Shinning the Light
This is not to say that one needs to remember everything that took place, as this would be too much for them to handle. It might be enough for them to have a general sense that this time in their life wasn’t functional and, from here, they can start to heal the damage that was done to their being.
It is likely that their mind will allow them to remember things as they are ready to remember them, not before. As this takes place, one will be able to see that they didn’t receive the love and care that they need in order to develop in the right way.
Consequently, their true-self, this relates to who they are when they are both in touch with their true needs and feelings and are able to express these elements, will have gone into hiding. To survive what was taking place, they would have had no other choice than to disconnect from who they were and to develop a false-self.
Once again, this would have been something that just happened as opposed to something that they consciously chose to do. While this was going on, one would have formed a number of beliefs.
As they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have taken everything personally. This would have caused them to conclude that there was something wrong with them instead of their caregiver/s.
What this would have done is made one develop some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
Keeping the Past Alive
Although these will only be beliefs now, they can be a reflection of what would have taken place if they didn’t hide who they were as a child. The years will have passed but as they are carrying these beliefs, it won’t be possible for them to truly put the past behind them.
Existence or the universe, or whatever one wants to call it, doesn’t care if what they believe is true or not, it just mirrors back what they believe. Taking this into account, it will be essential for them to become aware of what they believe and to question these beliefs
Additionally, they may have emotional wounds to heal and trauma to resolve. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support.
This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.