Ideally, if someone was abused as a child, they would end up getting the assistance that they need now that they are an adult. At this point in their life, they will most likely be able to do something about what they went through.
The years will have passed, that much is clear, but what they went through can still be having a massive impact on their life. However, although reaching out for assistance would be the ideal, one could simply tolerate what is taking place.
This could take place because one is not even aware of what took place during their early years and has ended up becoming accustomed to experiencing life in this way. One is then going to be in a lot of pain and living a life that is anything but fulfilling, but this will be what is normal.
What this is likely to illustrate is that their mind has blocked out what has taken place in order to protect them. They are going to be in pain but if they remembered what took place, it would be too much for them to handle.
Between their conscious mind and their pain is going to be a lot of defences – defences that that will allow them to function. These defences are going to both help them and harm them.
For one to change their life, they will need to gradually work through these defences and to deal with what is taking place at a deeper level. This has to be a gradual process or one might end up being wiped out.
This process is very similar to what happens when someone goes to the gym for the first time and starts to work out. If they were to pick up the heaviest weight from the outset, they could do themselves some serious damage.
But, if they start small and allow their muscles to get stronger, they will soon be able to add more weight. They will need to be patient and to keep going; the rest will take care of itself.
It Can’t Be Rushed
So as one works through each defence and the pain that is underneath each one, their whole being will start to get stronger. The energy that they free up by doing this will give them the energy that they heed to go to even deeper.
What this comes down to is that it will take a lot of energy to keep these defences in place and as each defence is removed, more energy will be freed up. Still, until one gets to the point where they do reach out for assistance, their defences are likely to stay in place.
Back In Time
During the beginning of their life, they may have had a least one caregiver who was physically abusive. This person may have slapped them, punched them, beaten them with something and/or kicked them, for instance.
Furthermore, there may have been times when they were put down and spoken to like they were nothing. It might not have stopped their either, as they may have been neglected, too.
A Terrible Experience
This should have been a time in their life when they received the love and care that they needed to develop in the way. Instead, it would have been a time when they were treated extremely badly.
Where they were growing up should have been somewhere where they felt safe, protected, loved and cared for, yet it was somewhere where they felt scared, fearful, rejected, unsafe and exposed. They wouldn’t have been in a warzone, but they may have felt as though they were going to die at any moment.
Through living in this way, their main priority may have simply been to survive; nothing more, nothing less. And now that one is an adult, there is the chance that they are still stuck in survival mode.
Their reptile and emotional brain are then going to typically be hyperactive, with their thinking brain having very little influence on their life. Therefore, one is going to experience a lot of fear, anxiety and terror and they will be overpowered by their emotions.
Alternatively, one could typically be shut down, having absolutely no idea about how they feel and being stuck in their head. Their thinking brain will then be online, but they could generally feel empty, numb and disconnected from their body.
Then again, one could have the inclination to go from one extreme to another, and not know how they are going to be from one day to the next. Being this way is going to stop them from being able to operate as a whole human being.
Another thing that one can find is that it is more or less impossible for them to feel good about themselves and to feel comfortable in their own skin. They could have a strong inner critic and often feel down and depressed, even suicidal.
Behind all this is likely to be the belief that they are inherently flawed, with this being a belief that they formed to try to make sense of what was taking place. Through being egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have taken everything personally.
Nonetheless, what took place had nothing to do with their value as a human being; it had everything to do with what was going on for their caregiver/s. The truth is that one has inherent value and this value can’t be taken away by anyone.
For one to get in touch with their inherent value, and to become an integrated human being, they will probably need to reach out for the support of a therapist or a healer. This will be a time when they will be questioning what they believe, healing emotional wounds and resolving trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.