If someone was physically abused as a child, there is the chance that this is not something that will ever cross their mind now that they are an adult. They may remember certain parts of their childhood, or it could be one big blur.
It could seem strange as to how something so traumatic could be forgotten about. However, with an understanding of how the mind works, what has taken place will make perfect sense.
Too Much To Handle
The reason that what took place won’t enter their conscious mind will be due to the defences that they have in place. Most, if not all, of these defences may have been put in place when they were very young.
What these defences would have done is allowed them to disconnect from their pain and to forget about what took place. Their mind would then have forgotten that it had forgotten, allowing them to seemingly put the past behind them.
In reality, how they felt as a child would have stayed trapped inside their body. Their mind will then have ‘moved on’ from what happened, but their body will have stayed in the past.
If these defences were to fall away, they would end up coming into contact with a hell of a lot of pain. With this in mind, these defences are going to play an important role in their ability to keep it together.
The Signs Are There
Still, although they might not remember what happened and will have a lot of defences in place, it doesn’t mean that what is held in their unconscious mind won’t exert an influence on their conscious mind or their life. What they may find is that they often feel low and find it hard to feel good about themselves.
Further, they may often experience anxiety and fear, finding it hard to feel at ease. If this isn’t the case, they could have the tendency to be filled with adrenalin and this will then mean that they will always need to be doing something.
Due to how they feel about themselves and what is taking place at a deeper level, they could often have experiences that ‘cause’ them to feel worthless, bad, and as though they don’t deserve to exist. These experiences will simply be a reflection of how they already feel.
Without this understanding, it will be normal for them to see themselves as a victim. Without a connection to what happened during their early years and how their adult years are a continuation of what took place, they will be in a very helpless place.
Connecting the Dots
If they were able to connect to what took place during their early years, they might soon be able to understand why their life is the way that it is now that they are an adult. Then again, what took place at this stage of their life could just be seen as a reflection of their worth.
Through being so attached to how they feel and being unable to step back, they won’t be able to accept that how they have been treated from practically the moment they were born had nothing to do with their worth. As a result of this, there will be no reason for them to try to change their life.
Many Years Ago
If one does connect to what took place, they could remember a lot of things that they would rather forget, forever. One or both or their caregivers may have harmed them, or it may have been someone else that harmed them.
They may have been physically harmed on a weekly, if not daily, basis, for many, many years. The love, safety and security that they needed to be able to grow and develop wouldn’t have been provided.
A Living Nightmare
What they went through wouldn’t have been very similar to what a soldier goes through in a warzone. Unlike a soldier, who would be a fully grown adult, they would have been powerless, dependent and unable to do anything about what was going on.
Instead of feeling safe and at ease with one or both of their caregivers, they would have been terrified of them. They would have known that if they didn’t do the right thing, and even if they did, they would be hit.
A Closer Look
A time in their life when they should have been able to relax and to have fun, would have a time when they had to be on alert at all times and to live in fear. This person will know what it is like to suffer there is no doubt about it.
Due to what they went through, they have formed some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
Ultimately, these are just beliefs and this means that they are not the truth. Nonetheless, as one will carry these beliefs it won’t matter, as these beliefs will define how they see themselves, others, and the world.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.