If someone was abused as a child, they could be in a very bad way now that they are an adult. What they experienced will have taken place many, many years ago, but they won’t have truly put the past behind them.
There is a strong chance that what they went through during this time left a mark on every part of their being. Their brain, physical body, mental body and their emotional body will all show signs of what they went through.
However, while all the signs will be there, it doesn’t mean that one will realise why their life is the way that it is. If they were to think about what took place during their early years, they might not be able to remember much.
In fact, this stage of their life could be one big blur. This will show that their mind has blocked out what took place to protect them and it could also show that a lot of what happened took place before their brain was very developed.
Clearing the Ground
Therefore, even if they started to remove the defences that they have in place to keep their memories at bay, it doesn’t mean that they would remember everything that took place. There may be a lot of things that occurred before they had the capacity to remember.
When it relates to moments like this, they be left with the effects of what took place but what actually took place will be a mystery. One way of looking at this would be to say that it will be like having a bruise but not knowing why the bruise is there.
With no memory of what took place, then, one can be aware of the painful feelings and negative thoughts that they experience, yet they won’t know why they experience life in this way. And, due to how long their life has been this way for, this could be seen as what is normal.
Through being accustomed to experiencing life in this way, there will be no reason for them to do anything about it. It is then not that they feel bad and have negative thoughts, for instance; this will just be how life is.
Suffering in Silence
What will also play a part in them tolerating what is going on and not doing anything about it, will be how they view themselves. It is unlikely that they feel of value and as though they deserve to exist, which will make it harder for them to do something about their life.
The experiences that they had as a child will have beaten them down and prevented them from developing self-love and realising that they deserve to be here. Further, their fight instinct - the part of them that is there to keep them alive and provide them with energy - could have been split-off.
Planting a Seed
This doesn’t mean that all hope is lost, though, and that they won’t ever be able to join the dots, so to speak, and to see why their life is the way that it is. After reading or hearing something, they could feel the urge to do something about their life.
At first, they could just feel the need to feel a bit better about themselves and to do something about the negative voice in their head. Dealing with what is taking place in their mind can then be the first step.
Even if this approach doesn’t transform their life, it will get the ball moving and allow them to make progress on their healing journey. They will move forward at a rate that suits their own evolution, not anyone else’s.
As time passes, they may start to remember some of the things that took place when they were younger. What this will show is that the memories that are held in their unconscious mind are starting to seep into their conscious mind.
When memories of what took place start to enter their conscious mind, they might find it hard to accept. Nonetheless, it might not be long until they move beyond this phase and accept that they are remembering what took place.
They will now have the memories that explain why they have felt the way that they have for so long. At this point, they might want to share what they went through with some of the people in their life.
A Challenging Time
Having the desire to do this is one thing, it is another thing altogether for them to take this step. The reason for this is that they could believe that something bad will happen if they were to open up about the fact that their own caregivers harmed them.
A big part of them could believe that they were harmed because there is something inherently wrong with them, and if they talk about what happened, it will cause other people to see this and to reject and abandon them. Ergo, keeping what happened to themselves will be seen as the only way for them to be accepted by their fellow human beings.
A Courageous Act
They can believe that if there wasn’t something wrong with them, then their caregivers wouldn’t have harmed them. Even thinking about telling another person could cause them to experience a lot of toxic shame and terror.
The truth is that what they experienced wasn’t a reflection of their value and was simply the result of what was going on for their caregivers. It might be hard for them to accept this but there are plenty of people out there who will be able to there for them and to see what they went a reflection of their value or their fault.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to take the next step in their healing journey, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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