While a parent can offer encouragement and acknowledge what their child is good at, they can also behave in a different manner. Instead, they can criticise their child for what they can’t do and overlook what they can do.
A Negative Effect
The child is then going to be brought up by someone who undermines them, and this is naturally going to make it harder for them to grow and develop in the right way. Even so, this doesn’t mean that the child will realise this.
Through being treated in this way, there is a strong chance that they will believe that this is normal. Now, this is not to say that they won’t get angry about it; what it means is that it can be something that they have become accustomed to.
A Different Experience
If they were to spend time at their friend’s house, they may see that not all children are treated in the same way. At the same time, there is always the chance that their friends will also be treated in the same way.
But if they are treated differently, it could make it even harder for them to spend time around their own parent/s. They will see that life can be different and this can end up being on their mind when they are at home or at school, of instance.
What can also happen, through being exposed to a different kind of parenting, is that they can believe that there must something wrong with them. At this age, it is not going to be possible for them to detach from what is taking place within them, and so they are likely to take everything personally.
It is then not that their parent has a problem, and this is why they are treating them badly; it is that they are the one with the problem. In addition to this, they are likely to believe that the other child is being treated differently because they are better than they are.
However, even though one of their friends might be treated well when they are there, it doesn’t mean that this is always the case. If a camera was set up at their house, they may see that this person’s parent is just putting on an act.
It could then be said that their parent is more concerned with looking good than they are with doing good. If their child was to end up with a number of different issues when they grow up, it might surprise a lot of people.
A relative or a family friend, for instance, might wonder how a child who had everything could end up this way. Due to how their parent/s behaved around others, it will stop them from being able to perceive life differently.
Consequently, there will have been treated badly during their early years, and then they will end up having the finger pointed at them as an adult. Still, unless someone is willing to take a step back and to take a closer look, they are not going to be able to see that their parent didn’t always behave in the same way.
What can also play a part here is if someone was abused during their younger years and they haven’t faced up to this. Out of their own need to see their parents as perfect, it can cause them to see all parents as perfect.
Thus, if they were to take a deeper look and to see that what actually happened when one was younger, it would cause them to get in touch with their own pain. Ultimately, their priority is to keep their pain at bay, not to face reality.
Yet, even if a child has a parent who treats them badly, they can still talk about how great other children are. Their own child (or children) will be treated as though they are completely worthless, but someone else’s child (or children) will be seen as being completely perfect.
Their parent can spend a lot of time talking about how good they are, and they can criticise their child for not being the same. It is then not going to be a surprise for their child to feel deeply inadequate.
What Going On?
In order for a parent to treat their child in this way, it is only too clear that something isn’t right. One way of looking at this would be to say that this is someone who doesn’t really want their child; it is nothing more than a burden to them.
When someone demonises their own child and idolises other children, it is likely to show that they are projecting their inner world onto their outer world. The parts of themselves that they have disconnected from are then displaced onto their child.
But as they are out of touch with the fact that they hate themselves, it stops them from being able to see what is taking place. Their child, the person who is simply carrying their issues, is then seen as the one with the issues.
And as their child is seen in this way, it is going to stop them from being able to respond to them in a positive manner. The parts of themselves that they have not yet realized are then seen in other people’s children.
When a parent behaves in this way, it is highly likely that they were also abused as a child. The past is then being repeated all over again, and this is likely to show that they lack self-awareness, amongst other things.
If one was abused when they were younger, it doesn’t mean that they are worthless; it just shows that they were brought up by someone who had issues. The assistance of a therapist or a healer can allow one to get in touch with their inherent value and to heal themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.