There are likely to be a number of people out there who not only have plenty of good things to say about their parents now that they passed on, but who had good things to say about them when they were alive. When something like this takes place, it could be said that someone valued their parents.
A Similar Outlook
Their friends and other family members are not likely to be surprised by what they say about their parents now that they are no longer around. These people might be only too aware of the type of connection that one had with them.
Now, this is not to say that someone like won’t have ever argued with their parents or fallen out with them, for instance. There is a strong chance that these things happened on more than one occasion.
Part of Life
It would be hard to find a family that has never argued or fallen out. One could look back on the moments where there was tension and see that it gave them the chance to resolve conflict.
This would have been far better than keeping everything within them and portending that everything was fine. There may also have been moments when they didn’t speak to one of their parents for a short while.
Then are then going to be others who didn’t really have anything good to say when their parents were alive and, now that they have passed on, the same kinds of things come out of their mouth. When someone can relate to this, they could say that there is no reason for them to be nice now that they are gone.
The fact that they are no longer alive is not going to cause them to change their outlook. If they were to change their outlook, they would probably feel as though they are living a lie.
A Time to forget
One may have been brought up by parents who were abusive, meaning that they wouldn’t have been treated well by the people who were supposed to look after them. After their parents passed on, they may have experienced a sense of relief.
The people who treated them so badly would no longer have been able to harm them in any way. If they feel sad after this took place, it might not have been as strong as the other feelings that they experienced.
A Different Experience
This persons friends will understand why they don’t have anything good to say about their parents, that’s if they have told them about their past. What comes out of one’s mouth is not going to be a surprise.
Nevertheless, if someone else was to hear them talk about their parents, they might find it hard to understand how they could be so cold. What this could show is that they were treated well by their parents.
Therefore, even if they have heard about child abuse, it might not have had much of an effect on them. To hear about something like this could have a negative effect on how they feel, which could give them the urge to think about something else.
It is then going to be a minor annoyance and not something that they really want to look into. But if they were not treated badly and they are not willing to accept that not everyone is treated well by their parents, it is to be expected that they won’t be able to empathise with someone who was abused as a child.
In addition to these two outcomes, there is something else that can take place. Here, one wouldn’t have got on with their parents when they were alive, but now that they are no longer around, they could act as though they were really close and the best parents anyone could have.
When something like this happens, it will be clear that one has gone from one extreme to another. It will be as though one can no longer remember what was going on when their parents were alive.
Their friends, as well as other family members, could wonder what is going on and how it is not possible for them to face up to what was really going on. Yet, no matter that other people say to them, one might not be willing to change their outlook.
It will be similar to one having a car that they don’t like; selling it, and then saying how great it was after it has been sold. One way of looking at this would be to say that the reason they are unable to face reality is because it would be too painful for them to handle.
A Defence Mechanism
If they were to let go of the false construction that they have created to protect themselves, they might end up being overwhelmed by guilt, shame and fear. Seeing the people who abused them as perfect is then a way for them to keep these feelings at bay.
Thus, in order for them to feel good about themselves, they have to do everything they can to stop themselves from facing reality. The guilt, shame and fear that they feel at a deeper level is likely to relate to what happened when they were younger.
A Closer Look
Their parents may have made out that they deserved to be treated badly, and this would have set them up to feel bad about listening to themselves and standing their ground. What this means, then, is that the guilt, shame and fear that they feel is irrational.
Nonetheless, unless one is able to realise that this is the case, they will continue to live in denial. As time passes, the pain that is within them might end up affecting their life in a number of other ways.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.