It is often said that there is the being and then there is the doing, and that both of these aspects are important. Therefore, if someone can only embrace one of these aspects, they are going to be out of balance.
Another way to look at this dynamic would be to be to say that there is the masculine and then there is the feminine. When one is simply being, they will be in their feminine; whereas when they are doing, they will be in their masculine.
The feminine part of them will tell them that their value is based on who they are, yet the masculine part of them will tell them that it is based on what they do. Therefore, if one has not integrated the former, they can be out of touch with their inherent value.
On the other hand, if one has not integrated the latter, they won’t feel as though they need to work for anything and that everything should be provided for them. Both of these scenarios will lead to problems, problems that will hold them back in one way or another.
So, when one is out of touch with their inherent worth, they can end up trying to compensate for how worthless they feel. They will believe that their value is defined by what they achieve, meaning that their whole life could revolve around trying to achieve things.
But, even after they have achieved something, they probably won’t be able to savour the moment. How they feel at a deeper level will start to rise up again, causing them to look for something else to achieve.
Stuck On a Treadmill
In a way, it will be as though they are trying to attain the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. They won’t be able to attain this gold, but they will compromise their health and wellbeing, for instance, in order to try to get it.
If they were able to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place, they might see how futile this is. However, the pain that is within them is likely to stop them from be able to do this.
As stressful as it will be for them to live in this manner, facing what is going on within them will be far more painful. They could believe that they only have two options: either they face how they feel and feel worthless, or they try to change how they feel by being successful.
Consequently, this person is not going to think about being, let alone allow themselves to be. They will be a human being, that much is clear, but that will be as far as it will go; it won’t be possible for them to act like one.
Alternatively, someone like this could just face how they feel and not try to do anything about it. This will probably mean that they won’t achieve very much, and they might also be used to feeling depressed.
So while the person above will have taken a masculine approach, this person will have taken a feminine approach. The first is resisting their true feelings, yet the second person has given in to them.
The Other Side
When it comes to someone who is out of touch with their masculine aspect, they can have a strong sense of entitlement. It can be as though their mere existent gives them the right to have everything they desire.
They are likely to see themselves as being special and different, so it is to be expected that they would behave in this way. There are a number of things that can define whether or not this person’s reality matches up with what they believe.
If someone was to come from a well-to-do background, their family might give them everything they need. There is then going to be no need for them to work for anything, as it will be dropped right into their lap – that is unless their family’s financial position changes.
Along with this, an attractive man or woman can also expect special treatment from strangers and the people that they date. Due to how they look, it is not going to be a challenge for them to fulfil this need – that is until they get older
What generally plays the biggest part in an adult’s masculine and feminine development is what took place during their early years. For arguments sake, the feminine aspect is usually developed by having a mother who loves unconsciously, and the masculine aspect is usually developed by having a father who loves conditionally.
Each parent then plays a vital role, a role that will allow the child to develop into a balanced human being. The mother will show them that they are inherently valuable, and the father will show them that while they are valuable, that doesn’t mean that they don’t have to work for things.
The mother will help the child to cultivate self-worth and the father will help the child to cultivate self-esteem, and these two elements are also connected. Putting effort in to attain things will not only allow the child to develop a sense of competence, it will also allow them to be confident too.
If a child was to grow up with only one of these influences, it could set them up to experience problems as an adult. This can be what happens when a child only has one parent around, but it can also take place when there are two.
A Closer Look
The child could have only one parent around and this parent could constantly tell them how wonderful they are, or they could abuse/or neglect them. This may then cause the child to develop a strong sense of entitlement, or they could turn into a human doing who hates themselves.
Then again, a child could have two parents around and still end up developing problems. One parent could be emotionally absent and the other could see them as an extension of themselves.
A Grey Area
The love that they need won’t be provided, which might set them up to behave as though they are a machine. What this shows is that it is not enough just to have two parents; they both need to be healthy people
This is why it is not necessarily going to be better for a child to have two parents than it will be for them to have one. Having one good parent and a grandparent, for instance, is going to be better than having two bad parents and no one else available.
If someone can see their one side of their nature is out of balance, and they want to change their life, it will be essential for them to reach out for support. This is something can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.