Childhood Development: Are Some People Born To Fulfil A Role That Their Caregivers Had Planned For Them?
In ancient Greece, Sparta was a prominent city-state where boys were trained to be warriors. When a boy reached six or seven, he was removed from his parents home and sent to military school where he began the ’agoge.’
In order for these boys to become fearless warriors, they had to go through a ‘brutal training period.’ Taking all this into account, it is clear that these boys had absolutely no say as to what they would do with their life.
It Was All Planned
As soon as it became clear that they were male, their purpose on this earth was already laid out for them. It then wouldn’t have mattered if they were on board with this as it was what they had to do.
And, before they were even born, their parents would have known what their son would do if they were to have one. Clearly, then, men wouldn’t have had a lot of freedom to express themselves in this part of the world at this point in time.
However, while a boy’s life would have largely been laid out for him, it is unlikely that there would have been much resistance as time went by. In the beginning there may have been, but as time went by, it would have most likely been something that he came to accept.
The part of them that resisted what was going on during the beginning of their life would then have been pushed out of their awareness as time went by. At first there would have been resistance and after a while, the life that was put in place for them would have been accepted.
Times Have Changed
Although a lot has changed since that point in history, there is also a lot that hasn’t. Sparta no longer exists but there are still parts of the world where men and women are expected to fulfil a certain role when they are born.
For example, there are countries were women are not allowed to choose their own partner; other people will decide who they marry. They are then not seen as separate human beings who have their own needs; they are seen as objects that are there to fulfil other people’s needs.
A Different Experience
But while this often takes place in certain countries and is even becoming more common in the western world, it could be said that people in the western world generally have more freedom to express themselves. Someone from this part of the world will typically be able to decide for themselves who they marry, for instance.
Compared with people who live in other parts of the world and even in the same country, their life is going to be very different. They will be an individual with their own needs and there will be no need for them to overlook them.
A Closer Look
Now, even though there will be people in the western world who are allowed to express who they are practically from the moment they are born, there are going to be others who aren’t. The reason for this is that their caregivers won’t see them as a separate individual; instead, they will see them as an extension of themselves.
This doesn’t mean that they will consciously see their child in this way as this is likely to be something that they are not even aware of. Even so, this will define how they treat their child and what they expect from them.
Back In Time
Before their child was born there would have been what was taking place in their conscious mind, along with what they said to the people in their life about their future child, but deep down, there would have been another agenda. Ultimately, their child will be seen as someone who is there to fulfil their unmet needs.
Most of these unmet needs are likely to go back to their early years, with these being needs that their caregivers were unable to meet. The needs that their caregivers were unable to meet will be the needs that they look towards their child to meet.
Out of their child’s need to survive, they will have to lose touch with their own needs and to become who their caregivers want them to be. The self that they develop is then going to have very little to do with who they actually are.
Their purpose is then not going to be to kill people like a Spartan; it will be to please their caregivers. Through losing touch with their inner world and focusing on what their caregivers want, their life won’t be defined by their feelings that are in their body, it will be defined by the role that has been assigned to them.
An Empty Existence
Living in this way will allow them to gain approval but it is unlikely to lead to a very fulfilling life. The years will pass and there may become a point when the role that they have played for so many years starts to fall apart.
Before this takes place, they may often feel depressed and lost, with them wondering if there is a purpose to their life. There is, but for them to find out what it is, they will need to let go of the role that they are playing and to get back in touch with essence.
If someone can relate to this, and they are ready to transform their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect