Childhood Development: Do Siblings Have The Same Parents?

Although siblings can have the same parents, it doesn’t therefore mean that they will up behaving in the same way.  As a result of this, they can end up being radically different, and it might be hard for other people to realise that they are related.

The Reason

If one was to ask someone why this is, they may tell them that it’s because they have different genetics. The kind of experiences they have had are then going to be overlooked, and that could be the end of it.
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It could be said that it is not going to be much of a surprise for someone to have this outlook, and this is due to amount of coverage genetics receive in the mainstream media.  There are also other factors when it comes to why someone would come out with something like this.
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Parents

For example, if someone is a parent and they have a child who is well behaved and a child who isn’t, they may say that it is due to their genetics. During this time, could talk about how they treated each child in the same way and so it can’t be the result of what they have done.

Based on this, it would be easy to go along with what they have said and to look for further evidence. One way of looking at this would be to say that there would be no reason for them to lie and so they should be believed.

A Grey Area

However, it is not going to be this black and white, and this partly comes down to the fact that they might not be aware of how their behaviour has affected their children. Thus, it is not going to be about whether they are lying or whether they are telling the truth.

What this could show is that they are out of touch with their own behaviour and that they are not willing to look at how they have shaped their children lives. This could also mean is that they lack the ability to engage in self-reflection.

Lack of Awareness

It is then going to be normal for someone like this to say that genetics play the biggest part in how someone turns out. Through being this way, there is going to be no reason for them to look at their own behaviour.

If they were to put this outlook to one side and to look at how they have behaved around their children since they were born, it might cause them to experience a lot of pain. In this sense, putting everything down to genetics can be seen as a defence mechanism.

Avoidance

Through having this in place, it can stop someone from having to take responsibility for their own behaviour. Another way of looking at it would be to say that it can allow them to get away with child abuse.

Still this is not to say that genetics don’t have an effect and that it is all about how they are treated. To have this perspective would be just as inaccurate as saying that it is all about genetics.

Temperament

For one thing, whether someone is an introvert or an extrovert is something that is typically defined by their genetics. Their emotional style and level of aggressive they have is another thing that can also be set by the time they are born.

Even so, how someone deals with these different aspects can be down to how they were treated by their parents at the beginning of their life. Thus, what this emphasises is how important it is for them to be in tune with their children, as this will allow them to give them the guidance that they need to function at their best.

For Example

If parents can see that one child is an introvert and another is an extrovert, they will be able to make sure they get the right amount of stimulus. There will then be no reason of them to try and change one child and to shame them for being different.

Each child can then grow up believing that there is nothing wrong with who they are and this will have a positive effect on their self-image. The alternative would be for one to them to grow up believing that their behaviour is acceptable and the other to believe the opposite.

A Difference Experience

But although this is the ideal, it is not something that always takes place, and this can then set up one sibling to experience conflict with this side of themselves. And if they don’t force themselves to be more outgoing, they can end up withdrawing even further.

One sibling can then end up expressing their true-self and the other can end up disconnecting from it. Clearly they will both live in the same environment, but their experiences in that environment will be different.

Other Factors

This can also be a time when one parent prefers one child over the other, and this is can have a negative effect on the child who is responded to in a different manner. In addition, one child could be more intelligent than the other, and this could cause them to be treated in   a certain way.

The other sibling can then be seen as someone who is not very intelligent, or their creative ability could be ignored. Their birth order is another thing that can play a part in how responsible they are and their level of confidence and this is due to how they are treated.

Projection

Each sibling can feel the need to behave as their parents want them to and this can cause them to go against their true-nature, and they can expect different things from each sibling. This is something that will take place out of the need to be approved of.

Now, it could be said that it is not going to be possible for parents to always see their children for who they are, and this is because it is human nature to project. Yet this is not going to be the same as when a child’s true-self is completely ignored and ends up being a reflection of what their parent/s doesn’t want to face within themselves.

Conclusion

There are many different factors involved when it comes to why siblings are different, and to say that it is purely genetics would be an oversight. And if one feels limited by what took place during their younger years, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/