Although someone might not be consciously aware of the fact that they fear their fellow human beings, they can still be aware of the consequences of having this fear. So, if someone in this position was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, what could instantly stand out is how difficult it is for them to feel at ease around others.
In general, they could feel edgy when they are in the company of others and, naturally, this is going to make it hard for them to truly show up. How they typically behave around others is then not going to reflect who they really are.
It might occur to them that when they feel this way, they are more interested in pleasing others than they are in expressing their true-self. However, while this will be the case, how they behave could just be seen as what they are like.
They could be described as someone who is highly strung, easy-going and even scared of their own shadow. However, even though this description, or something similar, may appear to be what their personality is like, it won’t actually reflect their true nature.
There could be a number of people in their life; then again, there might not be. Either way, they may prefer to spend time by themselves, or with beings that they feel safe with – animals.
Due to how they feel around others, they are likely to find that they lose more than they gain. Thus, although they will be an interdependent human being who needs others, being around others will typically take a lot out of them.
The relationships that they have with others should refuel them, not wear them down. But, as they are going to spend a lot of time in different survival responses around them, they are going to find it hard to be refuelled.
What this means is that being away from others will stop them from feeling on edge but it will also stop them from receiving the human contact that they need to be at their best. This could be something that stands out after they have spent a certain amount of time by themselves.
Yet, as strong as their need is to connect to others, their need to feel at ease, as opposed to overwhelmed and as though their life is about to end, will be stronger. Not experiencing enough human contact is going to undermine them but this could be seen as something that they just have to put up with.
Still, their need to connect to others could take over at times, causing them to be more sociable than they would be otherwise. Now, if during this time they are sexually attracted to someone, they might find it difficult to take the next step.
A Challenging Time
Nonetheless, somehow, they could come into contact with someone like this and end up taking things further. The other person could make the move or another person could help them out, for instance.
As things progress, they could feel deeply nourished by so much human contact. It might not be long, though, until they start to feel extremely uncomfortable and feel the need to back away.
A Confusing Time
If this takes place, they could find it hard to understand why they feel this way and have such a strong need to keep their distance. Part of them will want this experience to continue but a stronger part of them will want it to end.
This may be an experience that they have had before, which can make it even harder for them to handle. It is not going to be a surprise if they end up feeling helpless and hopeless and wonder if someone or something ‘out there’ is in control of their life.
If they were to reach out for support, they could end up being told that they suffer from 'social anxiety' and have a 'fear of intimacy'. Furthermore, they could be told that the solution is for them to have cognitive behavioural therapy, change how they breathe and to take medication.
Once they sort out their ‘cognitive distortions', change their behaviour, breathe more deeply and sort out their ‘chemical imbalance’, their life will change. If they go down this route, their life may change.
What this approach is likely to overlook is the fact that the reason one is experiencing life in this way is likely to be because they are in a traumatised state. As a result of this, simply changing their thoughts and their behaviour, forcing themselves to breathe differently and even taking medication, is unlikely to lead to deep change.
The reason they are traumatised can be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis.
A Living Hell
The people, or person, who were supposed to provide them with the love and care that they needed to be able to grow and develop would have greatly undermined them. Throughout this time in their life, they may have routinely felt overwhelmed and as though they were going to be annihilated.
To handle what was going on, their body would have frozen up and they would have disconnected from themselves; this wouldn’t have stopped them from being harmed but it would have stopped them from being aware of what was going on. This would have been a time when they couldn’t fight back or run away; they were totally helpless.
At least two associations would have been formed at this stage of their life. The first is that other people are a threat to their survival and the second, which is a natural consequence of the first, is that they need to keep people at a distance in order to survive.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
Ultimately, based on what they went through as a child, how they experience life as an adult is perfectly normal. What took place will be over but their whole system will be frozen in time and will be responding as if the past is present.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.