What someone may find, if they are able to step back and to reflect on their life, is that they rarely feel emotionally strong and secure. In general, they could feel powerless, helpless, hopeless, fearful and scared.
On the outside, then, they will look like an adult but they feel like one on the inside. If they were to think about how long they have been this way for, they may find they have more or less always been this way.
An Unstable Existence
Taking into account how they typically feel, one of their greatest challenges will be to experience a sense of inner stability and peace. This could be something that they desire more than anything else.
There can then be other things that they desire, but these things won’t be as important to them. Or, if they do desire other things more, it could be because they believe that these things will allow them to settle down and to feel at ease.
A Common Dynamic
As a result of what is typically taking place inside them, they may be drawn to people who come across as strong and stable. One could find that their inner world changes when they are in the presence of someone like this.
This will be a good thing; the downside to this is that they could find that they are emotionally dependent on certain people. Like a child needs its parents to be able to handle life, they may need these people to be able to handle life.
What they may also find is that they don’t assert themselves when they are with people like this. Out of their need to keep these people around, they can do what they can to please them.
Therefore, in at least one, if not all, of their relationships, one could act as though they are an extension of another person. Their true-self will be covered up, with them playing a role that will hopefully allow them to keep the other person around.
The other person may realise either consciously, or unconsciously, that they have a lot of control over them. Now, they might not abuse this control; then again, they could end up going too far.
However, as one is not in a good place, they could simply put up with this kind of behaviour. As bad as it is, not having this person in their life could be seen as being far worse than having them in it.
If one doesn’t feel all at sea emotionally, they could end up shutting down and losing touch with how they feel in the process. This will give them a sense of control, yet it will mean that they can’t feel anything.
They are then going to have two options; either they will feel too much or they won’t feel anything. Regardless of how long they have been this way for, there is a strong chance that they desperately want their life to change.
What’s going on?
One way of looking at this would be to say that one needs to change what is taking place in their mind as this is why they are emotionally unstable. This is what someone would say if they believed that someone’s thoughts define how they feel.
Gaining control of their thoughts is then going to be the way for someone to ‘master’ their emotions. Nonetheless, what if this view is nothing more than a half-truth and the other part of this is that one’s thoughts can also trigger trapped feelings/trauma?
The reason that they don’t feel like a strong, empowered and secure adult is likely to be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis.
At this stage of their life, they would have experienced a lot of pain and they wouldn’t have received what they needed to receive in order to grow and develop. The outcome of this is that they will be in an undeveloped state and they will be in a lot of pain.
The Right Diagnosis
With this in mind, changing what is taking place up top is not going to be very effective. How they feel and experience life as an adult will be very similar to how they felt and experienced life as a child.
For their life to change, they will most likely need to deal with the emotional pain and trauma that they are carrying. This is unlikely to happen overnight, which is why they will need to be patient and persistent.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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