If someone was able to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that there is something that absorbs most of their attention. This could be a time when they come to see that they have a strong need for another person to take care of them.
Upon closer inspection, they may find that they have more or less always had this need. However, due to how pervasive this need has been, it may have taken them a while to become aware of it.
When it comes to their relationships, then, they may see that most, if not all, of the people in their life are like parental figures. These people could make a lot of decisions for them and do things for them that they should do for themselves.
On the one hand, this can be something that often annoys them, but, on the other, it will be something that feels comfortable. A big part of them will need other people to essentially direct their life.
If they are in a relationship, they could be with someone who is more like their mother/father than someone who is their equal. Once again, they can give most of their power to this person and allow them to define what they do or dont do.
Yet, if they are not in an intimate relationship, the above scenario may have played out with their previous partner/s. Each person may or may not have looked different, but it would have been as if they were with the same person.
The Brakes Are On
So, unless another person is there to guide them, they may find that they don't do a lot. If they work for someone else, they won’t need to worry about having to take the initiative as other people will direct them.
With this in mind, one could see that they are generally passive and lack the oomph that they need to do things. Therefore, even if they don't like their job, it could be seen as the only option that they have.
If they were to call it a day, they may worry about what they would do with their life, not to mention how they would find the finances to support themselves. Regardless of how meaningful or soul-destroying it is, it will be seen as something that they have to put up with.
During this time, they could come into contact with a part of them that is desperate for another person to change their life. This could be seen as the only way out of what is going on.
One way of looking at this would be to say that one needs to understand that no one is going to save or rescue them and that they need to “get it together”. If this doesn’t happen, they won’t be able to make the most of the life that they have been given.
There will be two things that they will need to do; firstly, they will need to change how they talk to themselves, and secondly, they will need to change their behaviour. Replacing their ‘negative’ thoughts with ‘positive’ thoughts will allow them to feel stronger and changing their behaviour will allow them to change their life.
A Different Outlook
Alternatively, it could be said that one needs to look into why they have the need to be saved or rescued. If they were to do this, it would probably allow them to get in touch with the part of them that doesn’t feel strong or capable.
This will be a part that they have most likely merged with on numerous occasions throughout their life. Although they will be an adult, this part of them won’t feel like an adult, and it is unlikely that merely changing their thoughts will allow them to change this part of them.
What needs to be understood here is that one is made up of many different parts and that their thoughts don't always define how they feel. The other part of this is that their thoughts can trigger feelings that are trapped in their emotional body.
The big question is: why would someone feel weak and incapable, and feel more like a child than an adult? To understand why this would be, it will be necessary to take a closer look at their early years.
During this stage in their life, a stage that should have been a time when they were prepared for the real world, they may have regularly been abused and/or neglected. This would have meant that they didn’t receive what they needed to receive to be able to grow and develop.
Consequently, their physical body and even their intellect would have grown, but their emotional self wouldn’t have been able to grow. They will be emotionally stunted and they will also carry a lot of pain.
Taking this into account, the reason why one has such a strong need for others to be there for them as an adult is because no one was truly there for them when they were a child. The needs that were not met when they were a child will have stayed with them.
This illustrates their unmet childhood needs won't just disappear, they will stay with them until they are resolved. Now that they are an adult, these needs can’t be met, and this is why they will need to be grieved.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.