Commitment: Can Childhood Trauma Make It Hard For Someone To Commit?

When it comes to achieving something, developing a skill or having an intimate relationship, for instance, it will be essential for someone to make a commitment. Through making a decision to stick with something, they will be able to make progress and to reap the benefits of doing so.

If this doesn’t take place, they won’t be able to move forward in one area of their life, and this will have a negative effect on their wellbeing. It will be as though they are standing in one place and are unable to go anywhere.

One Area           
                              
If one only has this problem when it relates to one area of their life, it might not have too much of an impact on them. Thanks to the areas of their life where they have made a commitment, they might generally be able to forget about what they are unable to commit to.

For example, let’s say that they wanted to learn how to play golf and to become very proficient at it and they kept putting it off. They might get annoyed whenever they think about it, but it is unlikely to take them out.

Just About Every Area

Now, let’s say that this was a far greater challenge for them and they were unable to commit to just about everything. This is then not going to be an issue that they can simply overlook.

Then again, they could but they will have a lot of pain and external feedback to block out. In other words, due to the pain that they would experience and how unfulfilling their life would be, they would find it hard to face reality.

A Bleak Existence

Someone like this could have a very basic job, have relationships with others that are not very deep, and they may know a little bit about a lot of things. Therefore, they won’t have been able to stick to anything long enough in order to master it or to develop a deeper understanding of anything.

Not only will their life not be very fulfilling, they could also have the tendency to criticise themselves. Their inner critic could be happy to put them down and to call them a failure, amongst other things.

External Feedback

The criticism might not end there, though, as one could often end up being criticised by the people in their life. Friends and family could say that they need to learn how to stick to things and even call them lazy.

If they were to ask one why they find it hard to stick to things, they might not get a clear answer. At the same time, one could just say that that they end up losing interest and want to do something else.

Inner Conflict

So, regardless of what other people say to them, it will be clear that part of them will want to stick to something but another part of them will cause them to walk away before long. In general, the part of them that gets fed up or bored will be the part that has the biggest influence on them.

If they were to imagine what would happen if they were to stick something, they could soon end up feeling trapped. Thus, to no longer feel this way, they will stop themselves from sticking to something.

Too Strong

This feeling will be so strong that everything else will go out of the window, so to speak. It won’t matter how much they want to stick to something or the effect that sticking to it will have on them and their life.

The thinking part of their being will be no match for the emotional part of their being. The big question here is: why would someone feel trapped when they commit to something that could benefit them in so many ways?

Going Deeper

When it comes to why they find it so hard to commit to something, it can be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time in their life when it wasn’t safe for them to be in their body and to exist.

Perhaps they grew up in a dangerous environment where they were abused and neglected on a regular basis. By having these experiences, they could have come to associate being in their body and embracing life as something that was a threat to their very survival.

A Closer Look

Now, when someone makes a commitment to something, they probably have to be in their body and they will have to embrace the human experience. What they experienced as a child might no longer be remembered by their conscious mind, but how they felt and the sensations that they experienced will be re-experienced whenever they embrace their body and life and commit to something.
​
In addition to feeling trapped, they can feel extremely vulnerable. To get away from this inner experience, they will stop what they are doing, just as they would have disconnected (dissociated) from themselves as a child to avoid how they felt and to mentally get away from an unsafe and insecure environment.

Awareness

Taking this into account, their issues around commitment are not simply the result of them lacking perseverance or having an ‘irrational fear’, there is far more to it. Getting back into their body and feeling safe being there and embracing life will be a key part of their ability to commit to things.

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to take the next step, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

---

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk