What is common in today’s world and throughout history is control, but in most cases this is not self control, it is the control of others. And this can be seen at all levels of the modern day world. From the personal relationships that people have, to the authority figures of the world.
To have certain amount of control is healthy and not dysfunctional or unhealthy per se. It is when this natural need is taken to the extreme that problems can arise. This could relate to someone who tries or does control their spouse, family, friends or children. And then to authority figures who have greater control due to their position, who desire to control hundreds or even millions of people.
So it is clear that there are many areas of control and that it can take place in people’s houses as well as society the world at large. In many ways it has become normal and what people expect to experience in life.
It is often said that everything we do is for a feeling. So by attaining something, one can feel different; either momentarily or for a while. Once this feeling has gone, one may be able to do the same thing all over again.
This can all depend on how they are trying to feel for instance. If someone feels exhausted and wants to feel relaxed or they feel low on energy and want to feel more alive, then this is not necessary going to result in one needing to control another.
One can watch a film or have a lay down to relax or they can go to the gym or have a run to gain more energy. But if one feels that they have no control over certain situation or their whole life, then this can lead to a different set of consequences.
Here one can feel the need to control other people and this can be for a short while or last for quite some time. And one may try to control some people in their life and this could go as far as trying to control everyone.
In most cases, the primary control one has is over themselves and in how they respond to what takes place in their life. So one can act in certain ways and what then happens is often out of their control.
To do this, one will need to have a sense of self control. For if one doesn’t have this, there will be a greater need to control what is going on externally. And yet if one has a lot of emotional unrest going on, it can be extremely difficult to have self control.
While they may be just feelings and not reflect reality, they can be incredible powerful and define how someone sees themselves, others and life.
Out Of Control
Being out of control within can result in someone wanting to control other people. But, although other people can be controlled and these inner feelings can be covered up, they won’t simply go away.
One can literally feel powerless within and it can also relate to being emotionally out of control. Here, one could feel powerless as a consequence of feeling rejected, abandoned, hopeless or cut off for example. These feelings can be so strong, that one can come to conclude that controlling others it the only way to deal with them.
Emotional Build Up
The reason these feelings can be so powerful is due to them building up over someone’s life. People and certain events may appear to make one feel powerless, but these are often triggering the feelings and emotions that have built up.
And while these can be from experiences that one has had as an adult, they are often the result of what happened when one was a child.
If one had a caregiver that was emotionally available and in tune, it would mean that in most cases one would have had their needs and wants met. And during times of emotional unrest they would have been regulated by their caregiver. So they wouldn’t have had to deny how they felt or push it out of their awareness to survive.
However, if their caregiver was emotionally unavailable and out of tune, they would have had their needs and wants ignored in most cases. And when one felt emotionally unstable, their caregiver may have been dismissive or absent in some way. This means that the pain they experienced would have gone into their body; simply because no one was around to regulate their emotions.
There may have been moments of mild to extreme abuse and this would have created pain, but there would only be one place for it to go and that would be in the body.
So as the emotions and feelings were stored in the body and not processed, they will define how one feels. Ones muscles, bones, skin and organs will carry the burden. And when these are triggered, self control can completely disappear.
The mind can think whatever it wants, but the body will over power the mind. It’s the difference between a rain drop and a tidal wave.
As these feelings and emotions are released, one will start to experience a better connection with their body and self control will be a natural consequence. The need to control others will subside and this is because as one feels a greater sense of personal control, there won’t be the need to use others to cover up how they feel.
One will know and trust that their needs and wants will be met and fulfilled in most cases. This can be done through the assistance of a therapist or healer who allows one to face their feelings and release them.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.