Controlling: Can Someone Become Controlling If They Experienced Trauma As A Child?

There are people on this planet that have no interest in controlling anyone or anything, while there are those that want to control everyone and everything. Thus, some people will be at one end of the spectrum and some will be at the other end.

At the same time, it is likely that just about everyone has had at least one moment when they have been controlling. What this comes down to is that there are times when just about everyone acts out of character.

The Trigger

There are a whole host of reasons as to why someone who isn’t usually controlling would end up being controlling. For example, someone could experience a lot of fear and react to a situation.

In this moment, they will have been at the whim of their instincts; thereby causing them to do something that they wouldn’t usually do. Still, shortly after this has taken place, they could try to make amends by acknowledging what has happened and apologising.

The Other Side

Along with this, it is likely that just about everyone on this planet has come into contact with at least one person that was controlling. And if this isn’t the case for someone, they might have come across someone in the public eye that is.

Interestingly, those that fit this profile can often be found in the public eye in some shape or form. This would make sense, considering that people like this are often given a lot of control.

The Ones at the Top

In some cases, the person who is in control of a country can be a total control freak. Someone like this is then just going to be a human being, but they can see themselves as some kind of deity.

And although people like this are often in control of countries that a lot of people probably won’t have heard of, let alone know the location of, this is not always so. Nonetheless, when someone like this is in control of a country (or appears to be as they are usually just a figurehead), they can wield their power in a more subtle manner.

A Relationship

When this is the case, this person is naturally going to come under fire by both the citizenry and the media. Yet, what is rarely mentioned is why a country would end up with someone like this at the top.

At a conscious level, most people would say that they don’t want someone like this in power. This may be so, the question is: what unconscious needs does someone like this fulfil?

Back To the Main Point

So, regardless of whether someone is telling the people around them what to do or a whole nation, they are going to be acting in a controlling manner. One is a mini tyrant and the other can be close to a full-blown tyrant.

Someone like this is not going to be able to see others as sovereign human beings; they will simply be objects for them to use however they choose. Ultimately, it won’t be possible for them to truly accept that other people are individuals and that they have absolutely no right to control them.

The Missing Part

Their behaviour is going to be having a negative effect on others, but that is unlikely to be something that fazes them. What this could also illustrate is that their ability to empathise with others has been compromised.

In other words, they can be strongly connected to their head and weakly connected to their heart. As a result of this, they will be able to treat other people in this way without feeling bad or as though they are doing anything wrong.

Fulfilling a Need

Behaving in this way won’t do much for others but it will certainly do a lot for them; if it didn’t, there would be no need for them to behave in this way. By behaving in this way, they are likely to feel powerful.

Yet, if they were to stop behaving in this way, there is a strong chance that they would end up coming into contact with feelings that would cause them to feel extremely powerless. What this shows is that their inner world is not a place that supports them; it is somewhere that undermines them.

What’s going on?

In order for them to experience a sense of control, they will need to stay disconnected from themselves and to control others. Ergo, living on the surface of themselves - being disembodied - will be essential.

Now, it is unlikely that they were simply born this way; there is likely to be a reason why they are this way. To shed light on why this is, it will be necessary to look into what took place during their early years.

Back In Time

During this stage of their life, they might not have received the type of care that they needed to be able to develop in the right way. Instead, they may have been abused and/or neglected on a regular basis.

This would then have been a time in their life when they felt extremely helpless and powerless. The only way for them to handle these feelings would have been to leave their body and to disconnect from themselves.
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Awareness

Many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but the trauma that they experienced will have stayed inside them.  Unless this is dealt with, it is unlikely that they will be able to change their behaviour.

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk        ​