Critical Thinking: Do Some Men’s Childhoods Set Them Up To Be Feminists?

If someone was to go into a certain environment, such as a university, they may come across a number of men who describe themselves as ‘feminists’. Yet, one won’t have to go somewhere like this is if they want to find men like this, as they can just use social media instead.

A Number of Ways

Here, the only thing that they will need to do is to look at the words that they use to describe themselves under their picture, or they could just scroll through their wall. So, even if a man hasn’t used different hash tags, he will have shared different articles and left comments that reveal what he stands for.

This could be a time when a man will share his views in a fairly respectful manner, or he could come across as abusive. Said another way, he might not be a very balanced human being.

A Virtuous Human Being

But regardless of how they treat others, they could believe that they are doing the right thing. As a result of this, they can feel as though it is their duty to convert other men to their way of thinking.

This is not to say that they will say this explicitly; what it means is that this is what their behaviour is likely to suggest. There are then going to men who primarily try to fulfil this mission online, while there will be others who mainly try to do it in the real world.

A Number of Beliefs

Their behaviour is going to be a reflection of what they believe about women and their fellow men. When it comes to former, they could believe that they are ‘oppressed’ and, when it comes to the latter, they could believe that they are the ‘oppressors’.

It is the going to be black and white, with women being ‘good’ and men being ‘bad’. Therefore, it is going to be perfectly rational for them to do what they can to help the gender that is being treated badly.

Very Simple

Due to how clear this is and with their being no grey involved, a man like this won’t really need to engage his brain. What he stands for will be obvious as far as he is concerned, and he is then going to find it hard to understand how a man wouldn’t be able to see this.

Thus, if a man was to say that this is not something that is black and white, he might ask him to explain why. Then again, he might just resort to a hominem attack and not even bother to use his brain.

A Saviour Complex

When a man behaves in this manner, deep down, he could believe that women are inherently incapable. Consequently, it is down to him to do what he can to make their life better.

He could come across as strong and confident, or he could come across as someone who lacks backbone. If he does come across as weak, it can be hard to understand why he doesn’t sort himself out before he tries to help others.

Conflict

Now, if a man believes that all men are bad, it is going to mean that he believes that he himself is also bad. With this in mind, he will hate men and he will hate himself, and it is then going to be normal for him to go along with the narrative that all men are bad.

He can then go along with this narrative and feel as though he is doing the right thing, which will allow him to feel good about himself, or he will have to face his true feelings and this will cause him to feel completely worthless. Taking this into account, what will be behind this behaviour will be a strong need for approval.

What’s going on?

Why would a man hate men and the person he sees in the mirror, and have such a strong need for approval? Clearly, something is not right, and what this is likely to show is that his younger years were not very functional.

Emotional Incest

During this time in his life, he may have had a father who was either emotionally or physically unavailable. As a boy, his mother may then have used him to fulfil her needs, and this would have stopped him from being able to individuate.

Instead, his being would have ended up being filled with feminine energy and he would have felt as though it was his responsibility to take care of his mother. The roles would then have reversed - he would have been the parent and his mother would have been the child.

Enmeshed

The person who was supposed to bring him away from his mother and to meet her needs, his father, wouldn’t have been around. His true-self would have been covered up and in its place a false-self would have been formed.

His need to please women will then come back to his need to please his mother, as he won’t have been able to develop boundaries, with boundaries being a vital part of being able to have a strong sense of self. When it comes to the hate that he feels for himself and men in general, this can be partly be due to how he absorbed the hate that his mother had for his father, and he would have hated his mother for using him, but he would have had to disconnect from this hate.

The First Example

The way his mother saw his father would then have defined how he would come to see men in general, and how his mother behaved would have defined how he would see women in general. His mother may have spent a lot of time talking about how bad his father was and he would also have come to believe that this meant that he was bad.

Therefore, if his father was useless and worthless, it would have meant that he was just as useless and worthless. Additionally, as he would have had to disconnect from his true-self in order to fulfil his mothers needs, this would have been seen as a sign that there was something inherently wrong with him.

Obscured

He is then going to hate men and himself and he will also hate women, but his fear of his mother will make it harder for him to come to terms with this. Also, his need to rescue women will be nothing more than a continuation of what took place when he tried to rescue his mother, thereby setting him up to be a human doing and not a human being.

The trouble with this kind of abuse is that it is not the same as being physically abused and this is why it can be hard to identify. On one side, the father would have played a part by not being there, and on the other, the mother would have played a part by using her son.

Conclusion

What this shows is that it is not about blaming one gender, as they both have a part to play; it is about each person taking responsibility for their own issues. Ultimately, what is seen ‘out there’ is just a reflection of what is going on in people psyches.  

If a man can relate to the above, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk