When one goes on a date, they may find that they are able to be themselves, and this is going to show that they feel comfortable in their own skin. Therefore, even if they are at a point in their life where they want to be with someone, they are not going to come across as being needy.
And as this is likely to be a time when they will get to know each other, it could be said that this is going to be the best way for them to behave. This will give the other person the chance to see if one is right for them.
How one comes across is going to be in alignment with who they really are, as opposed to an act that they put on to impress people. If the other person responds to them in a positive manner, it can allow them to go to the next stage.
But if it doesn’t go any further, it could be a sign that one didn’t have a good impression of the other person. There might have been something about them that put them off, or they might have just felt as though something wasn’t right.
However, if they both enjoyed spending time with each other, it might not be long until they get together again. One might wonder if the other person will behave in the same way the next time they see them.
And as they are not needy, they may find that they are able to stand their ground when they are around them. As a result of this, they are not going to go along with things that don’t interest them, or to put up with bad behaviour.
Through being this way, the other person is likely to realise that one respects themselves, and this could cause them to respect them even more. If one agrees to do something, it will be because they want to do it.
In addition to this, if the person they are with treats them in a way that is not acceptable, they might speak up. During this time, one will draw the line and let them know that they are not willing to put up with what is taking place.
Still, if one has met someone who also has good boundaries, they are less likely to walk over them. But even though someone might not want to walk over them, it doesn’t mean that this won’t take place, and this is why it is so important for one to be able to stand their ground.
A Different Experience
Now, if one was to go on a date with someone who doesn’t have good boundaries, they are going to be able to respond in the right way. It is then not going to matter if they want to be with someone, as their own wellbeing will come first.
One will realise that another person is trying to violate them in some way, and this will cause them to take action. This may mean that one only has to do something once and that’s the end of it, or they might need to walk away.
There is going to be no reason for them to put up with bad behaviour, no matter how much they want to be with someone. Deep down, they will value themselves, and this will stop them from tolerating anything that will cause them harm.
This is also going to be something that feels safe; if this wasn’t the case, their life would be very different. So as one is only person who knows what is right for them, it is going to show that they have the right approach.
A Different Priority
When one has a strong need to be with someone, this area of their life can be radically different. One can then go on a date and they can end up putting up with bad behaviour, and they can do things they don’t want to do.
Their own wellbeing is going to be put to one side, and the only thing they will be concerned about is keeping the other person in their life. They will end up doing what they can to please them, and this will cause them to disconnect from themselves
As one is giving their power away, it is highly unlikely that they will end up in a relationship that is fulfilling. Their need to be with someone will be met, but the rest of their needs will end up being overlooked.
After a while, one could start to think about how they ended up in this position, and it might only be a matter of time before they leave them and find someone who is exactly the same. This could mean that one ends with people who are physically abusive, or they might end up with people who are not interested in their needs and feelings.
A New Beginning
In order for one to change their life, it will be necessary for them to value themselves and to feel comfortable enough to stand their ground. Unless this takes place, one is likely to continue to experience life in the same way.
What this shows is that one doesn’t just randomly attract people into their life; this is something that is happening by design. When one’s inner world changes, their outer world will also change.
The reason one is experiencing life in this can be due to what took place when they were younger. Perhaps this was a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met, and they might have been walked over by their caregiver/s.
Through the assistance of a therapist or a healer, one will gradually be able to let go of what is within them. One could be carrying trauma and emotional pain in their body.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.