It could be said that there are a number of reasons as to why one would want to be with another person. And while they might be aware of what these reasons are, there is also the chance that they won’t be aware of all of them.
For example, one might want to share their life with someone; perhaps they want to travel the world with them, too. It is then going to be about companionship, as opposed to having the need for someone to complete them.
One will feel like a whole human being, and this is why they are not looking for too much. Through being this way, it will be a lot easier for them to find someone who is right for them.
Firstly, as they feel whole, it should be less of a challenge for them to find someone who also feels whole. Secondly, they will be able to take their time; they won’t need to rush this process.
Alternatively, one could say they want one thing but another part of them could want something else entirely. Consciously, then, one could say that they don’t want anything too heavy.
This will probably mean that they will come across as anything but needy and they could see themselves as someone who is “independent”. Yet, deep down, they could have the need for someone to complete them.
What this is likely to show is that they have developed a false-self, causing them to lose touch with their true feelings and needs. Their tough exterior is going to be nothing more than facade.
They are likely to carry a lot of shame, which is why they have the need to create the impression that they are their own island. As a result of this, they are likely to believe that they would be rejected and abandoned if they revealed their needs and inherent vulnerability.
A Big Difference
How they come across in the beginning of a relationship is then going to be radically different to how they come across as time goes by. That is, of course, if they allow their true-self to come through.
One could look into why their behaviour has changed, or they could do what they can to return to how they were before. Whether or not the relationship lasts can all depend on how they respond to what has been brought up from within them.
Someone like this can have the tendency to be drawn to people who are incredibly needy, and this could cause them to judge these people. Ultimately, they will be mirroring back what which one needs to deal with within themselves.
The trouble is that if one is not aware of how their inner world is being projected onto others, they won’t be able to take advantage of this information. It will just be seen as a sign that they just happened to end up with people who have issues.
One could be in a position where they feel starved of attention, and this could be how they have felt for most of their life, meaning that they will just want someone to be there for them. Consequently, they could end up with whoever gives them the attention they crave.
It is then going to similar to someone who, ends up eating anything, due to being so hungry. They won’t be discerning and this could cause them to end up with someone who is not right for them.
Even worse, they could end up with someone who is abusive, and this will make their life worse than it was before. The pain they felt when they needed attention is unlikely to be as bad the pain they will feel through being with someone like this.
Their need for attention would have stopped them from being able to think clearly; their priority would have been to fill one need and one need only. If their need for attention wasn’t so strong, their life would be very different.
A Closer Look
Through experiencing life in this way, one could see themselves as a victim, but this is not going to be the truth. The only way their life will change is if they recognise the part that they are playing in all this.
If they are willing to do this, they can look into why they crave so much attention and then to do something about this. What this can show is that they lack a strong sense of self, thereby causing them to feel empty unless they receive attention from others.
Perhaps their early years were a time when they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed in order to develop into a whole human being. The attention that they needed wouldn’t have been provided, which is why they need other adults to give them so much attention.
When this wasn’t provided, one may have felt invisible and as though they didn’t exist, and this can be how they feel as an adult. The child within them is likely to be in a lot of pain, pain that needs to be acknowledged.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.