If one has a problem with their car, it can be normal for someone to ask them what is wrong with it. Through asking this question, they might be able to fix the problem for them, or they could tell them to go to a garage and get it fixed.
However, even if they were to fix their car, they are unlikely to do this before they find out what is wrong with it. And as there are all kinds of things that can go wrong with a car, this is going to be the right approach to have.
If this wasn’t the case, there would be no reason for someone to ask them what is wrong with their car. Instead, they could simply tell them to do one thing and then everything would end up being fine.
One way of looking at this would be to say that other people are generally going to validate their experience, as opposed to projecting their own ideas onto what is taking place. As a result of this, one is not going to feel as though they are being walked over.
Yet, although this is the kind of response that one can experience when they have a problem with their car, this is not necessarily going to be what happens if they have a mental and emotional problem. In this case, one could say that they are depressed and someone can tell them what they should do.
Therefore, they are not going to take the time to gain a deeper understanding of what they are going through; they will just give them advice. One can then end up feeling as though their experience is being invalidated.
What this can show is that someone is placing their views and experiences onto them, and this is then why they are unable to empathise with what they are going through. In this person’s eyes, there could be one approach that works for everyone who has depression.
So although they could believe that they are helping someone through giving them their advice, it would be more accurate to say that they are trying to walk over them. They are not really interested in what they are going through.
A Common Occurrence
It can then be irrelevant as to whether someone has looked into what causes depression, as they can see themselves as an expert. As far as they are concerned, there could be one cause.
If one was to speak up and to say that there is more than one cause or that they have tried what they suggest and it hasn’t worked, they could end up being criticised. What this emphasises is that there is not one cause when it comes to depression; in the same way that there is not one thing that can go wrong with a car.
Far More Complex
Still, human beings are clearly more complex than cars, and perhaps this is because they are built by them. As while one person could feel depressed due to losing their job, someone else could feel this way as a result of being abused as a child.
When it comes to the former, it might be possible for them to chance how they feel by getting another job. But when it comes to the latter, they could feel the same regardless of whether they have a job or not.
In addition to this, one person could find that they feel different through changing their thoughts or even changing their diet. On the other hand, someone else could do this and very little may change.
One can then be in a position where they need to work on their software (what is taking place in their mind), or they can have the need to work on their hardware (what is taking place in their body. This can then be why positive thinking or changes in behaviour can work for some people but not for others.
Ultimately, the more one does to understand themselves, the greater chance they can have of dealing with their depression. If they don’t put in any effort to do this, it might not matter what is causing them to feel as they do.
Their life will continue to go down the same path and it could get worse as time goes by. Suffering in silence is not the answer; one has to do everything they can to find a way to change how they feel.
Highly Sensitive Person
What can make it easier for one to end up feeling depressed is if they are sensitive, and this partly comes down to them not being able to handle as much simulation. Their nervous system can be different to the average person, and they can also lack boundaries.
It is then going to be a challenge for them to be around others and not absorb what they are feeling. They can be affected by smells, sounds and lights, and so they won’t need to be around other human beings to feel washed out.
An Emotional Sponge
If one doesn’t realise what is taking place, they could believe that they suffer from depression, and this could be an outlook that is backed up by others. They could even end up being put on some kind of antidepressants.
When in reality, one needs to understand that they don’t suffer from depression; it is that they are extremely sensitive to their environment. It is then going to be vital for them to understand what has a negative effect on them and to do what they can to protect themselves.
Said another way, one will need to have a good connection to their needs and feelings and to listen to these elements. In addition to his, one might need to develop strong boundaries if they don’t have them.
There is the chance that they had an abusive childhood, and this would have had an effect on their nervous system and set them up to be boundaryless, amongst other things. In order to move forward, the assistance of a therapist may be needed.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.