Just because someone is now an adult and their developmental years are thing of the past, it doesn’t mean that they have truly moved on from this stage of their life. However, if this is the case, they might not be consciously aware of it.
The signs that reflect that they haven’t moved on from this stage of their life are then going to be outside of their conscious awareness. As a result of this, they can end up suffering in silence.
As to why they were unable to move through this stage of their life, it is likely to show that they were deprived of what they needed. Thanks to this, they would have been deeply traumatised.
But, as they were powerless and totally dependent, there was absolutely nothing that they could have done about what was going on. Their only option was for their brain to automatically repress the pain and arousal they were experiencing and for them to go into a shut down, disconnected, collapsed and frozen state.
The years would have passed and their conscious mind would have forgotten most if not all of what took place, preventing them from being able to see why their life is the way that it is. Yet, while their brain will do what it can to keep this pain and the memories that go with it from entering their conscious awareness, there is still going to be the pain that seeps into their conscious mind.
What can play a part in this is that as they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way, their brain’s ability to repress pain can be less effective than it would be otherwise. But, even with this factor in mind, they are not going to have an endless amount of space to store pain, so it is to be expected that it will seep out and impact their life in a variety of ways.
Taking this into account, what can be normal is for them to experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety and even terror. They can often feel hopeless and helpless, and as though they are invisible and don’t exist.
And, if they are not feeling emotionally overwhelmed, there is a strong chance that they will end up feeling emotionally numb. Also, the pain that they are in can often give them the need to end their life.
If they were to get to the point where it was possible for them to mentally detach from what is going on and to see how they experience life, they could struggle to understand why their life is this way. They would probably soon see that this is how their life has been for as long as they can remember.
Their first thought could be that they were merely born this way and that there is very little that they can do. Without access to what is being kept at bay by their brain, it is to be expected that they would form this or another conclusion that is very similar.
In A Bad Way
Ultimately, not only did they miss out on what they needed, practically from the moment they were born, but they were also deeply traumatised, so they were destined to experience life in this way as an adult. It is then not that there is anything inherently wrong with them or that they are weak, incapable or bad; it is that they simply missed out on the nutrients that they needed.
Their physical and mental self will have grown, but their emotional self won’t have really changed. They would have been dependent and helpless when they were born and they will have stayed this way.
This is why, if their inner voice is critical towards them, they can keep in mind that they didn’t choose to be this way. They are the way that they are due to something that was out of their hands.
If it wasn’t for their ability to adapt, they probably wouldn’t have made it through what took place. So, whenever there is a voice inside them that is unloving, they can think about how resilient and strong they had to be to survive this brutal stage of their life and have had to be to keep going.
A Gradual Process
They are likely to be carrying a lot of pain and arousal that will gradually need to be worked through; it is not something that can be dealt with in one go. It is for this reason that moving on from what took place will take courage and patience and persistence.
If they were to face all of their pain and arousal in one go, their life would probably come to an end. To use an analogy: it’s a bit like moving a pile of bricks from one area to another; only a few bricks at a time will be able to be moved.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.