Do You Have The Need To Perfect?

Just because someone is a perfectly imperfect human being, it doesn’t mean that they won’t believe that they have to be more-than human. What this can result in is the need to be perfect and to never make a mistake.  

Through being this way, one can experience an extreme amount of pressure and it can be more or less impossible for them to just be and to relax. One can be more like a machine as they can have the need to always be doing something.

Positive Feedback

At this point in time they might be fine, but there could come a point in time when they end up feeling burnt out. After having been on the go for so long and not relaxing, this is not going to be a surprise.

Nonetheless, up until something like that takes place, they might receive a fair amount of approval from others. Through being seen as a go-getter and someone who gets things done, for instance, there could be plenty of people that admire them.

Hiding behind a Mask

If this is what takes place, they probably won’t be able to take in the positive feedback that they receive. The reason for this is that their true-self will be covered up and the only thing that will show up is a false-self.
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Their true needs and feelings are then going to be hidden too, preventing them from being able to truly connect to other people. Therefore, even if they are ‘successful’, they are likely to experience a sense of disconnection and emptiness.

One Option

In order for one to no longer be a human doing and to be human being, they will need to let go of this mask and to accept that they are not perfect. Trying to live in this way is making their life far harder than it needs to be.

However, this is easier said than done, due to what is likely to be taking place behind the role that they play. One can believe that they are worthless and their being can be loaded up with toxic shame.

Protection

This will have left them with two options: either they embrace what is going onside them and feel really bad about themselves or they avoid it and feel good about themselves. They will also believe that they would be rejected and abandoned if they were to reveal who they really are.

Ultimately, who they are is fine; the trouble is that who they are has been taken over by what they are not. Their false beliefs and the toxic shame inside them will make it incredibly difficult for them to accept themselves and to realise that they are actually fine.

The Cause

What this may illustrate is that their early years were a time when they didn’t receive the type of care that they needed to be able to develop in the right way. Perhaps they were abused and/or neglected.

The interpersonal bond between them and their caregivers wouldn’t have been formed, setting them up to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them and filling their being with shame. From that time onwards, one will have done their best to keep this painful feeling at bay.

Final Thoughts

If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

There will be the beliefs that they need to let go off and the toxic shame will need to be dealt with. This shame can only exist in hiding, and this is why it has to be brought out in the open to be healed. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk​​​​​​​​​​​​​