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Before I went on a Hoffman process introduction day, there was a moment when I had this sense that we would all be told not to try to rescue or save anyone during the day. I ended up putting this insight to one side.
After I had been at this introduction day for about an hour or so, one of the facilitators ended up touching upon how important it was for us not to try to fix or rescue anyone during this day. As I had already sensed that this would happen a few days earlier, it was slightly surreal to hear this. A Key Point This was not the first time that something like this had happened to me, but I was still surprised when it happened. This was a day when we would all be opening up and being vulnerable, so it was good that we all heard this. If we hadn’t have been told this, it may have meant that some of us would have made it hard for others to express what was going on for them. Instead of someone being able to do this, one of us may have tried to solve their problem. Good Intentions When someone is being authentic and expressing what is really going on for them, it can appear as though they need to be helped, which is why trying to take their pain away can seem to be the right thing to do. However, this can end up causing this person to feel as though their boundaries have been crossed. They can be seen as someone who is incapable of solving their own challenges, with this being the reason why they need to be saved. The person who tries to save them can then believe that they are helping them, but they will be doing more harm than good. Avoidance When someone does open up in this manner, there is a strong chance that the only thing they need is to be heard. It is then about being present in their company as opposed to trying to do anything for them. The need to try to fix or rescue another can be a sign that seeing this person in this way has triggered something within them and changing this person’s experience is then a way for them to settle themselves down. Along with this, it can show that they believe that their value is based on what they do. Pressure It is then going to be essential for them to do something that will change what this person is going through. If they can do this they will probably feel good about themselves, along with feeling capable. Yet, if they can’t do this, they might end up coming into contact with their true feelings and start to doubt how capable they are. Therefore, their motivation is not going to be to help another person; it will be to keep their own pain at bay. Final Thoughts When someone can express what is going on for them without anyone trying to do anything for them, it can allow them to come into contact with the answers that are within them. And if they need anything, they might end up asking for assistance. Being able to see other people as a capable is often the result of seeing oneself as capable. So, when one sees themselves in this way, it should be normal for them to see others in the same way.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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