Drive: Can Someone’s Unmet Childhood Needs Cause Them To Be Extremely Driven?

Practically from the moment that someone wakes up, they could feel the need to ‘get things done’. As a result of this, they are not going to have much time to sit around and to just be; doing so can be seen as a waste of time.

Not only this if they were to take a break, they could soon end up feeling deeply agitated and need to move. By being this way, they may have achieved a lot and they might even be seen as someone who is ‘successful’.

A Role Model

If they are seen in this way, it will be normal for them to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others. In the eyes of these people, they will be living in the right way and be an inspiration.

Therefore, it is unlikely that they will be used to being told that they work too much and need to slow down or that they need to live a more balanced life. If they were to live somewhere else, though, it might be different.

A Machine

Once they have achieved something, they might rarely if ever take the time to saviour what has taken place; they could soon be onto the next thing. It will be as if they have an engine inside them that never runs out of fuel and doesn’t need to ever be switched off.

Although they will be a human being, then, they are going to act more like a human doing. On the outside, they will look human, but when it comes to their behaviour, they will be more like someone who is part human, part something else.

One Focus

By living in this way, the present moment will be nothing more than a means to an end. The now moment will simply be a moment that will give them the chance to work towards something that they desire.

But, if they are generally unable to savour and take in what takes place once they have achieved something, it will be clear that what they desire is always out of their reach. This is not to say that they will realise this.

Stepping Back

However, if they were able to step back and reflect on their behaviour, what they may see is that it is as though they are chasing the end of a rainbow. Ultimately, they will be looking for something that they are unable to attain, or at least not for very long.

But, through not being aware of this, they will have continued to feel the need to achieve one thing after another, without being able to take the time to relax and recharge. At this point, they could wonder why they are so driven and what it is that they are actually looking for.

Going Deeper

Most likely, if they were to slow down and no longer focused on achieving things, they would gradually come into contact with a lot of painful feelings. By being driven then, it will stop them from falling down.

Along with this, they may end up coming to see that they are looking to fulfil a number of unmet childhood needs. There can also be needs that were not met when they were a toddler and an infant.

An Unconscious Process

This will show that although their conscious mind has not been aware of what took place during their formative years, this stage of their life will have continued to define their life. Deep down, different parts of them, child parts, will be looking for what was missed out on all those years ago.

Their conscious mind, through not being aware of what is truly going on thanks to their brain doing what it can to keep this lower level pain at bay, will have come up with its own story as to why they behave in this way. This part of them can say that it’s because they are just driven, want to be successful and life is too short to simply sit around, for instance.

Transference
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Without being aware of it, they would have believed, deep down, that by achieving something, they would finally be able to receive what they missed out on all those years ago. Yet, as this approach won’t have worked, they would have naturally been a human doing.

When it comes to their unmet developmental needs, this can relate to their need to be wanted, loved, accepted, seen, heard, held and valued. Due to how painful it would have been for them to miss out on what they needed, their brain would have automatically blocked out what took place.

Repetition Compulsion

By trying to receive what they missed out on by achieving things, they will be looking for something that can’t be provided. This is then no different to how they would have looked towards their caregiver/s to provide them with what they were unable to provide them all those years ago.

For them to no longer look for what can’t be provided and to be able to go from a human doing to a human being, it will be essential for them to work through the pain that they experienced by not having these needs met. There is likely to be many, many layers of pain inside them to process.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk