Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause A Man To Be Addicted To Porn?

At this point in time, a man could be in a position where practically his whole life revolves around viewing porn. Therefore, if he is not working or spending time with friends, for instance, he could be viewing it.

Then again, there could be moments when he views it when he is at work. If so, this is likely to have a negative impact on his ability to focus and perform at his best.

Caught Up

A number of areas of his life, then, are going to be neglected as a result of how much of his time and energy is spent viewing this material. He could often tell friends and family members that he is too busy to see them.

As for his health, he might not take the time to exercise and his diet could also be poor. Additionally, there could be a number of hobbies that he is no longer interested in or has the time for.

Another Area

If he is in a relationship, there is also going to be the impact that his behaviour is having on this area of his life. He could often be too busy to see his partner and their relationship could start to crumble, if it hasn’t already.

When it comes to having sex with her, he might not really be interested and, when he does have sex with her, he might find it hard to be aroused by her. Ultimately, having sex with her won’t be the same as viewing and masturbating to pornography.

A number of Failed Attempts

He could be aware of how his behaviour is having a negative impact on his life and he might have tried to cut down on, if not stop looking at this material. However, although he might have been able to do this for a short while, it might not have lasted for very long.

If so, he could feel bad and low and believe that he lacks self-control. But, through feeling even worse about himself, this is likely to have given him a greater need to view this material.

No use

Laying into himself, then, won’t have allowed him to ‘sort himself out’; it will have done the complete opposite. If he comes from a religious background and is perhaps religious himself, this could also make it harder for him to get back on track.

For example, he could believe that he has sinned and is being controlled by lust. Once again, this will add more shame and guilt and thereby, push him further into something that is not serving him.
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A Different Angle

From this, it will be clear that punishing himself for what he is doing is not going to allow him to change his life. The only thing that this will do is make what is going on for him worse, sending him deeper into the hole that he is already in.

What he needs is to be kind and compassionate to himself and to explore why he is in this position. On one side, there is why he continually looks at this material, and, on the other, there is what drew him to this material to begin with.

Two Parts

When it comes to the former, looking at this material is likely to allow him to avoid pain and feel better about himself. Thus, even though he will be viewing sexual material and spending a lot of time masturbating, this won’t really be about his sexual side or about sex.

When it comes to the latter, there is a strong chance that he was in pain and wanted to feel better. Now, even if he became hooked on porn as an adult, he might have first started viewing porn during his adolescence or before.

Going Deeper

It could be said that, in today’s world, to look at it from time to time at this age is not abnormal; however, what may have given him a greater need to view it, and what led to him compulsively viewing it further down the line, was how unloved and alone he felt. Assuming that this was the case, it will show that this was a stage of his life when he was deprived of what he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

So, one or both of his parents might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for him, and this would have meant that a number of his developmental needs would have rarely if ever been met. This would have caused him to experience a lot of pain and he would have come to feel ashamed of a number of his needs and feelings.

At The Root

Behind his need to view porn and masturbate, was the need to be loved and to emotionally bond with this parent or parents. Of course, this wouldn’t have allowed him to be loved or to bond with anyone, but, thanks to his brain's ability to fantasise and the painkilling chemicals that would have been released, it would have been better than the alternative - to be aware of his pain.

Now, many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life, but he will still be carrying most if not all of this pain, these unmet developmental needs and the shame around his needs and feelings. At this stage and now that he is an adult, this pain and these needs will have become sexualised.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk