If during someone’s early years, they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way, it can mean that they are deeply wounded now that they are an adult. But, although this is the case, there is a chance that they won’t have been able to join the dots, so to speak.
One can then spend a lot of time feeling down and often criticise themselves, for instance, but not be able to realise why they experience life in this way. In fact, this could just be what is normal, with this stopping them from even thinking about why their life is this way.
Someone in this position, then, is likely to typically live a miserable life and, in general, it might not stand out. However, although this is how someone can be after missing out on the love that they needed at the beginning of their life, it is not the only way that someone can be.
Alternatively, someone could have more or less completely lost touch with how they really feel and spend a lot of time feeling good and rarely criticise themselves. As with the other experience, they might not think about why they are this way and this can just be what is normal.
Larger Than Life
When someone is in this position, they could have a life that is anything but miserable and, in general, they might stand out. For example, they could have a smart appearance, a well-paid job, a big house, an expensive car and a successful partner.
Not only this, they could come across as someone who has high self-esteem and there could be an air of superiority about them. They are then going to be a human being but it will be as if they are above others.
A Clear Message
Now, it could go even further than this as they could say that they are better than others and be fairly condescending towards certain people. And, if they are criticised, it could just bounce right off them.
If so, they won’t need to wear armour as they will be naturally protected against anything that comes their way that goes against their elevated view of themselves. Based on how they often behave then, they won’t appear to possess a great deal of empathy or experience much self-doubt.
As a result of this, on one side, there can be some people who are repelled by them and find it hard to understand how they can be so confident. In their eyes, someone like this could be totally deluded.
And, on the other, there can be some people who admire them and would love to have the same level of confidence and perhaps success that they have. Some if not all of these people are likely to provide them with a lot of their energy and attention.
An Important Part
Still, as strong and confident as this person appears to be, they are likely to have weak foundations. Therefore, to use an analogy, they are going to be like a fortress that is built on sand.
Even so, as their brain will have blocked out how they really feel to protect them and their life will have been designed, both consciously and unconsciously, to stop what is taking place outside of their conscious awareness from breaking through, this won’t be something that they are aware of. This is why they will be able to be in denial, or to be more accurate, why denial will have them.
What’s going on?
In all likelihood, they lost touch with their true feelings and their body very early on and a defensive structure was created automatically. This structure won’t just be something that exists in their head, though; it will also exist in their body.
What this would have done is stop them from having to feel worthless, unlovable, and unwanted. Along with this, they would have lost the ability to feel ashamed, and this is why they will be able to act in a shameless manner.
A Brutal Time
Throughout their early years, they may have had at least one parent who physically harmed them, verbally put them down and neglected them. Either way, they would have been deeply hurt and they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on as they were powerless and totally dependent.
As they were unable to leave their environment, they had to leave themselves and create a disconnected and inflated false self in the process. When it comes to the person who feels low a lot of the time and often criticises themselves, they will have ended up with a disconnected and collapsed false self.
If someone feels low but is now aware of why they are this way, they could end up reaching out for support. The reason for this is that they are not in denial about how they truly feel.
Yet, if someone rarely feels low and typically feels good about themselves, they are unlikely to reach out for support. Their defensive structure will be too strong and, unless something significant takes place such as a loss, a serious illness, or simply getting older, and even this might not do it, they are unlikely to change.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.