Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Have A Dysfunctional Relationship With Their Sexual Side?

When it comes to someone’s sexual side, it can be like another food that they have as part of a meal or it can be something that they have late at night. In other words, it can be something that is just part of a relationship that they are in or it can be something that they engage in with another person who they have very little connection with.

In the first example, it can show that they are a fairly integrated human being who is able to both love and be sexually attracted to the same person. In the second, it can show that they are not a fairly integrated human being and that they are unable to both love and be attracted to the same person.

The Exception

Of course, in today’s age, sex is generally not seen as in the same way as it was in the past. As a result of this, if someone is purely having sex with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not integrated and are unable to both love and be sexually attracted to the same person.

It could simply show that they are at a stage in their life where they are not ready for more and still want to experience the physical side of things. Still, their view of sex, how effective their ability is to regulate their system and what their friendships are like, for instance, can all play a part in if they do purely share their body with another.

Moving On

But with that aside, if someone is unable to love and be sexually attracted to the same person, they can experience life in a variety of different ways. So, they can engage in casual encounters, be in a relationship but have at least one person on the side or have a relationship and deny their sexual side.

In each of these examples, each part of someone’s being will not show up. In the first, they will share their body and perhaps their mind with one person but they won’t share their heart with anyone and, in the second, they will share their mind and heart with one person and their body and perhaps their mind with at least one other person or they won’t share their body with anyone.

The Norm

When it comes to how they experience life, this can just be normal which means that it is unlikely to stand out. If they only have casual encounters, then, this can just be what is comfortable and they might not feel the urge to experience more.

In this case, having sex might be a way for them to release tension and bolster their self-image. As their emotional self is not involved, it is unlikely to be a way for them to deeply connect to another and express their love for them.

Another Experience

If they were to end up getting into a relationship, they might soon lose their desire for their partner. It would then be clear that they are unable to both love and be sexually attracted to the same person.

Nonetheless, they could believe that they just haven’t found the right person and could soon look for someone else. After perhaps having more casual encounters, they could end up in the same position.

Stepping Back

Sooner or later, they could end up wondering why they are this way and what they can do to change this area of their life. At this point, they might want all of them to be on board with the same person as opposed to only being able to share part of them with one person and perhaps to share different parts of them with different people.

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it could be due to what took place during their formative years. Now, as these two parts of them are not integrated, it could show that their developmental needs were often overlooked.

Going Deeper

Throughout this stage of their life, they might have often been left and this would have deprived them of what they needed and caused them to experience a lot of pain. Along with this, they would have come to feel ashamed of their needs.

To handle the pain they were in, they would have ended up emotionally shutting down and losing touch with a number of their needs. Naturally, this would have caused them to become a fractured human being.

The Outcome

The years would have passed but the pain and unmet developmental needs inside them won’t have disappeared. This pain will have ended up being redirected to their genitals, giving them a high sex drive.

Not only will sex allow them to let go of some of the tension that has built up through carrying this pain but it will also be an unconscious attempt at trying to receive the love that they missed out on all those years ago. Being in a relationship, on the other hand, will be a challenge as they won’t be able to be emotionally present due to carrying so much pain and being shut down as a way to keep it together and function, and expressing their needs is likely to unlock early shame and the fear of being rejected and abandoned.

Moving Forward

With this in mind, for them to become a more whole and integrated human being, they are likely to have a lot of pain to work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
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Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk