What can be normal is for someone to spend a fair amount of their time and energy doing what they can to be seen as desirable. Now, this doesn’t mean this will be something that they are consciously aware of but it will be an important part of their life nevertheless.
When it comes to what they do to achieve this, it can all depend on what sex they are. However, regardless of if they are a man or a woman; there are likely to be certain things that they will do.
If they are a man, they could spend a lot of time at the gym, doing what they can to achieve the perfect body. Along with this, they could make sure they more or less always have a tan and they could always dress smart, perhaps showing off their chest at every opportunity.
If they are a woman, it could be said that they are will have far more options available. So, not only can they go to the gym, but they can also wear makeup, have surgery to enhance their bust, their lips, and change the shape of their posterior, and they can often wear clothes that clearly reveal the parts of their body that both men and women are aroused by.
This can then mean that they will be a human being, who is made up of many different parts, yet they will come across as though they are a walking sex object. It then won’t be that some people are simply choosing to see them in this way; it will be that this is how a big part of them wants to be seen.
Therefore, being seen as desirable will be what truly matters to a big part of them; being seen as intelligent and kind, for instance, won’t really matter. Certain people could then criticise those who see them as a sexual object but this won’t be something that bothers them.
A Different Scenario
Then again, if they are not fully aware of how much effort they put into being desirable and are also connected to a part of them that wants other parts of them to be acknowledged, there could be moments when they get angry with being seen in this way. They will be sending out a strong message and heavily conflicted but they won’t realise it.
Naturally, for their life to change, they will need to be able to step back and observe their behaviour. Unless this takes place, they are likely to continue to experience a fair amount of frustration and feel helpless at times.
They may have a pretty standard job where it doesn’t matter how physically desirable they are or this might not be the case. When it relates to the latter, it may mean that they are a pornstar or sell videos and images online of them engaging in different sexual acts and/or just of themselves.
Alternatively, they could be a model who shares pictures of themselves wearing very little online. If they work in one of these three areas or perhaps another that is very similar, they can have thousands and thousands of people who are constantly telling them, in one way or another, how desirable they are.
If they were asked why they have such a strong need to be seen as desirable, they could dismiss this at first. They could say that this is not true and that people just find them desirable.
Of course, if they are physically attractive they are going to receive a certain amount of attention; especially in the age of social media. Yet, if their whole life revolves around being desirable, they spend a lot of money to be more desirable and to say desirable, and other parts of their being are neglected, there is a strong chance that there is more to what is going on than they are aware of and are currently able to acknowledge.
If they were to imagine that they could no longer receive this feedback from others, they could soon feel agitated. This could then be followed by feeling frustrated and angry.
Underneath this, they can end up feeling rejected, abandoned, unworthy, ashamed, unlovable and helpless. At this point, they may wonder why they feel these feelings and soon have the compulsion to be seen as desirable once again.
What this will illustrate is that while they want to be seen as desirable on one level, on another, deeper level, they want to be loved – how they behave is then not truly about needing to be desired and more about needing to be accepted. The emotional needs that they are not consciously aware of will have ended up being sexualised.
Receiving a lot of positive feedback about how desirable they are and an endless amount of it won’t allow them to truly feel loved but it will allow them to keep this deeper pain at bay. Also, these needs are likely to go back to their formative years, and this means that it is not possible for another adult to fulfil them – this stage has passed.
During this stage of their life, they may have been brought up by caregivers who were unable to truly be there for them and to provide them with the love that they desperately needed to grow and develop in the right way. As they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage, they would have automatically repressed their feelings and needs.
The years would then have passed but their unmet developmental needs wouldn’t have disappeared. Pain from their unconscious mind would have leaked through to their conscious mind and given them the need to be seen as desirable, so as to avoid the deep pain that is held inside their brain and body.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.