Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Look For Unconditional Love In A Conditional World?
Ideally, someone will have received the love that they needed during their formative years in order to experience an emotional birth. In other words, they will have been able to form a strong sense of self and develop a felt sense of enoughness, worthiness and being lovable.
Thanks to this, when they broke away from their family unit and created their own life, they will have felt whole and complete. By being this way, they will be able to freely express themselves as they won’t have a strong need to please others.
This is not to say that they won’t care about what other people think; what it means is that this won’t be something that controls them. And, as they are an individual who has their own needs, they are not here to please others.
Being this way, then, will allow them to do the things that they find fulfilling and live a life that is worth living. At times, what they do will be a means to an end but this won’t be the norm.
A Key Area
Another part of this is that as they feel whole and complete, they are likely to have a number of people in their life who value and love them. This is because their outer world will reflect their inner world.
There is then not going to be anything random about this area of their life, although, to some people, they might be seen as ‘lucky’. If these people were able to see how one feels about themselves and how this largely defines who they attract and are attracted to, they would soon see there is nothing random about it.
Along with the impact that being this way will have on their relationships, there will also be the impact it has on the thoughts and feelings that they typically experience. For one thing, they can have an inner voice that is both loving and encouraging.
Experiencing positive feelings and thoughts is then likely to be something that they are used to. Yet, if they do go through a tough time, they are likely to feel comfortable reaching out for support.
A Different Reality
But, while having a nurturing childhood and then experiencing life in this way is ideal, it is not something that everyone will be able to relate to. When someone is not in this position, they won’t have received the love that they needed during their formative years in order to form a strong sense of self and be able to develop a felt sense enoughness, worthiness and being lovable.
As a result of this, when the time came for them to break away from their family unit and create their own life, they won’t have felt whole and complete. By being this way, they won’t be able to freely express themselves as they will have a strong need to please others.
Out of Balance
This is not to say that they will come across as being a people pleaser as they could act as though they don’t care about what others think. Still, even if they do come across in this way, it will be nothing more than an act.
So, irrespective of if they are or are not aware of their need to receive the love and acceptance that they missed out on as a child, attaining what they missed out on is going to drive their life. This could mean that they are somewhat driven or they could be highly driven.
Deep down, they are likely to believe that if they behave in a certain way and achieve the right things, they will receive the love that they missed out on all those years ago. Therefore, what should have been freely given to them at one stage of their life is what they will try to earn at another.
The trouble is that they will now live in a world that is conditional, which means that it will be very similar to how it was for them as a child. Thus, in the same way, that they were unable to attain what they needed very early on; they won’t be able to attain it now that they are an adult.
It’s too late
With this in mind, no matter what they achieve, they live in a world made up of people who are not their parents and who are conditional. Some people are going to accept them and some aren’t, and even those that do accept them are still going to be conditional.
Also, as these people are not their parents, it means that it is no longer possible for them to receive the type of love that they missed out on. However, facing up to this fact is going to take strength and it won’t be something that is accepted once and that’s the end of it; it will need to be accepted numerous times.
To get to the stage where they are ready to accept that they won’t receive the love that they missed out on as a child, they might need to hit rock bottom. After struggling for many, many years and no longer being able to behave in this way, they might gradually see that they have been trying to receive something that is unattainable.
Once they arrive at this point, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.