Early Deprivation: Can Someone Believe That They Don't Matter If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

If someone were to take a step back and reflect on their life, what might soon stand out is that their life is not very fulfilling. But, if this is so, they might not believe that they deserve to experience life differently.

They could believe that it doesn’t matter what their needs are or how they feel, as, unlike others, they don’t matter. This will then cause them to neglect themselves and merely go through the motions in life.

A Bleak Existence

Therefore, when it comes to their own life, they could have a job that is anything but rewarding. They could do something that is incredibly draining and they could be treated badly, too.

As for their relationships, they might not have any close friends and the people in their life might not really care about them. Consequently, they can feel ignored and invisible when they are around them.

On The Sidelines

Due to how bleak their own life is, they could spend a lot of time watching other people live lives that are enriching. They could watch a lot of reality TV, films, and/or series and perhaps follow a few famous people on social media.

Vicariously living through these people will make their own life more bearable. Yet, as they will be identifying with another or a number of people and imagining living a life that is very different to their own, it could be even harder for them to handle their own life.

Emotional State

If they were to think about how they typically feel, they could find that they often feel invisible, lonely, helpless, hopeless and very low. There may be moments when they think about ending their life.

This will how low and utterly helpless and hopeless they often feel. During these moments, they won’t see a way out of the invisible prison that they inhabit.

A New Direction

If they believed that they deserve to live a different life and that they do matter, their life is likely to be very different. For one thing, they wouldn’t be happy to sit on the sidelines and would do what they can to meet their needs.

Instead of living through another or others, they would do what they can to make sure that their life is worth living. The trouble is that as it is likely to be normal for them to live in this way, they might not be able to accept that there is another way for them to live.

What’s going on?

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a strong chance that their early years were not very nurturing. This would have been a time when they were deprived and deeply wounded.

This could show that their mother and father were emotionally unavailable and seldom attuned to their needs. This would have caused them to miss out on the mirroring and love that they needed to know, at the core of their being, that they mattered, were valuable and loveable, and that they had an impact on others.

The Message

As they were egocentric and their brain was underdeveloped, they would have come to believe that they didn’t matter, were nothing and had no impact. Ultimately, they were brought up in an environment that was rejecting as opposed to accepting.

To handle the pain of being deprived and wounded in the process, they would have had to lose touch with their true self and create a disconnected false self. This would have separated them from a number of their needs and feelings but it would have also kept a number of their needs and pain they were in at bay.

A Non-Entity

And, as this false self would have involved them being out of touch with themselves, they would have learnt to hide in plain sight. Putting other people’s needs first and pleasing them, not themselves, would have felt comfortable.

Although they were a separate human being who had their own life to lead, it would have been as though they had no self and were merely an extension of their mother and/or father. Hiding themselves and not being seen may have also been a way for them to make sure that they were not humiliated, put down, and/or harmed.

The fallout

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life but what they came to believe, at a stage of their life when they were defenceless, will continue to define how they see themselves and life. However, the truth is that they do matter, they are valuable and lovable, and they do have an impact.

The trouble is that while this is the truth, thanks to what they believe, their brain will block out evidence that goes against what they believe. This will have played a part in why their erroneous beliefs are still in place.

Moving Forward

With this in mind, questioning what they believe and consciously looking for evidence that proves that what they believe is wrong is important. Along with this, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.

There is then the mental element and the emotional and physical element. This will take courage, patience, and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk