Even if someone is in a good position financially, it doesn’t mean that they will typically feel settled. They can often feel anxious and as though something bad is about to happen.
Now, irrespective if they are in a good position financially, if they were to take a closer look at why they often feel anxious and perhaps fearful, they could find that they fear that they are going to be left. Not only this, but they could believe that their life will end up coming to an end.
This will then be a time when they are totally helpless and unable to do anything about what is going on. As this is what is going on for them, it is not going to be a surprise that they often find it hard to feel settled.
A lot of their time and energy is also likely to be directed towards things that will hopefully allow them to avoid what they fear. So, they could more or less always be in a relationship and they could bring in as much money as they can.
Also, rarely being alone and spending a lot of time working will be a way for them to stop what is going on for them from entering their conscious awareness. Ultimately, this will serve as a distraction that makes it easier for them to keep it together and function.
If they were to talk about what is going on for them to a friend or family member, assuming that they haven’t already done so, they could end up being told that what is going on for them is irrational. They could say that even if they didn’t have any money, they wouldn’t die.
Moreover, they could be told that they would be there for them if they needed somewhere to live, at least in the short term. This is something that a number of other people in their life could say, too.
Thanks to this, they could believe that there is no reason for them to experience life in this way and end up trying to do their best to carry on as normal. But, while they might come to this conclusion and try to carry on with their life, it is unlikely to be long until they feel unsettled again.
Based on the fact that they are an adult who has people in their life who will be there for them if they end up in a bad place, what is going on for them can be seen as being irrational. Nonetheless, if their history was taken into account, what is going on for them might be totally rational.
If they were to think about their early years, they might not be able to remember much. They could say that this stage of their life wasn’t that bad and that other people had it worse.
This stage of their life may have been a time when they were deprived of the attunement and love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. In other words, one or both of their parents might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to meet a number of their developmental needs.
If so, they would have often been left, and, when their parent or parents were around, they wouldn’t have been able to truly connect to them. This would have caused them to be deeply wounded.
A Brutal Time
As they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage of their life, they would have had to adapt to what was going on. To handle the pain that they experienced by being left, their brain would have repressed how they felt.
This would have stopped them from being aware of the pain that they were in and allowed them to keep it together and function. Yet, although their conscious mind would have lost touch with and forgotten about most if not all of what happened and how they felt, the memories and the pain would have stayed locked in their body.
The Past Is Present
Many, many years will have passed since they were a powerless and dependent child, but, a big part of them won’t have moved on. And, as a big part of them is frozen in time, what happened to them as a child will be seen as something that is about to happen.
If, during their early years, there was somewhere there who could support them and they were able to face how they felt as opposed to having to repress it, there would be no reason for them to be anchored to this stage of their life. For them to truly put the past behind them, it is likely to be necessary for them to face and work through this pain.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.