Early Deprivation: Can Someone Unconsciously Recreate Depriving Situations From Their Childhood In Order To Try To Be Loved?
If someone is in a position where they continually end up being deprived of what they need, it is naturally going to have a negative effect on them. So, what could be normal is for them to lack the emotional and financial support they need, be alone, and not be valued or loved.
As a result of this, they are going to spend a lot of time running on empty and it won’t be possible for them to truly be at their best. Like a machine that is not receiving the fuel that it needs to function at its best, then, they are going to suffer.
But, if this is just what is normal, it might not be something that will stand out. That’s not to say that they won’t feel frustrated and even angry, it’s just that they won’t be fully aware of why they feel this way.
In this case, they can be aware that they are not receiving things but what won’t stand out is exactly what it is that they are missing out on. Feeling helpless and hopeless can then be something that they are used to.
When it comes to what their life is like, they may have been in a number of relationships that were anything but nurturing. If these relationships were not abusive, then, they would have been dysfunctional.
Not being seen and heard and taken for granted would then have been the norm and it might have taken them a while to find their feet after the relationship came to an end. After each relationship came to an end, they might have vowed to never get into another one.
Harder To Handle
Then again, they might have been in a number of relationships that were abusive, with this being a time when they were treated like dirt. They might have often been put down and perhaps physically harmed.
Consequently, feeling anxious and terrified and as though they were going to die would have been something that they became accustomed to. If so, they might be hesitant about letting another person get close to them.
When it comes to what they do for a living, they could do something that is anything but fulfilling. This could be somewhere where they rarely feel appreciated and valued, and are often passed up for a promotion.
Before they were here, though, they might have had another job where the same thing took place. They could be sick and tired of seeing other people rise up, while they stay in the background.
After a while, they could end up stepping back and seeing that a number of their needs are seldom if ever being met. After this, they could see that their life has been this way for as long as they can remember.
What might enter their mind at this point is that this is how their life will always be and that there is very little that they can do. Or, they could believe that they are just unlucky and need to wait until their luck changes.
Clearly, experiencing life in this way is not serving them and the sooner their life changes the better off they will be. Nonetheless, while experiencing life in this way is not serving them, it doesn’t mean that they are not playing a part in what is going on.
This could be hard for them to accept but what they will need to keep in mind is that they are not just their conscious mind. In addition to this part of them, they also have an unconscious mind.
Beyond The Mind
What took place during their formative years will have played a big part in what is held inside this part of them. If their early years were a time when they were often deprived of the love that they needed, they are going to carry a number of unmet developmental needs.
With this in mind, what they may soon see is that most if not all of the situations in their life when they are deprived are a replay of what it was like for them as a child. Like now, they would then have typically felt unsupported, unsafe, insecure, unloved, unworthy and invisible.
What’s going on?
At this point, they could wonder why they are repeating old circumstances that are causing them to suffer all over again. The reason for this is that a big part of them will still be trying to receive the love that they missed out on all those years ago.
This part will be causing them to unconsciously recreate their old circumstances in the hope that this time it will be different and they will finally be loved. But, as this stage of their life is over, not to mention that other people won’t be their parents, it will be too late.
At The Root
If they were to accept this and stopped trying to be loved, they would end up coming into contact with a lot of pain. When they were younger, they wouldn’t have been strong enough to face their feelings and it would have been too much for them to accept that their parents were unable to love them.
For them to put their past behind them and no longer endlessly recreate situations where they are deprived of what they need and want, they will need to face this pain and work through it. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.