After feeling lonely for many years and becoming aware of this, someone could find that they have the tendency to feel invisible. They are then going to exist and be able to be seen by others but they generally won’t feel as though they exist or are seen by others.
Naturally, experiencing life in this way is going to cause them to live a life that is anything but fulfilling. But, due to how long their life has been this way, a big part of them might not believe that their life can be any different.
A Closer Look
Now, this could mean that they won’t have any friends but it might not be this black and white. They could be surrounded by people but most of the people in their life might not see them.
So, if they are surrounded by people, these people might not really be interested in them or their life. Thus, when they are around one of their friends, this can be a time when the other person is doing most of the talking and they are doing most of the listening.
Still, if a friend or another person does ask how they are doing, they could make out that everything is fine and hide how they really feel. If so, what will stand out is that although they feel invisible, a big part of them won’t want to be seen.
It is then not just going to be as clear as, they want to be seen but they are not seen. If they were to become aware of this, they could wonder why they are this way and don’t feel comfortable being seen.
A Strange Scenario
To gain a better understanding of what is going on, they could imagine that they have friends who are able to see them. These will then be friends who are able to physically see them and attune to their emotional state.
As a result, they will feel comfortable opening up about what is going on for them and how they feel. This will allow them to feel seen and heard, which will have a positive effect on their well-being.
The Other Side
Before long, though, they could start to feel very uncomfortable and as though something bad is about to happen. A big part of them could expect to be humiliated, put down and/or rejected.
Taking this into account, as being seen is seen as something that will cause them to suffer, it is not going to be a surprise that they will do what they can to not be seen. One on level, this will have caused them to suffer but the alternative will be seen as something that will lead to a greater level of suffering.
If they were to think about why they are this way, their mind could go blank. What this is likely to show is that their brain has blocked out the information that would shed light on why they are this way in order to protect them.
To understand why they are this way, it is likely to be a good idea for them to think about what their early years were like. This is likely to have been a time when they were not seen by one or both of their parents.
Back In Time
Assuming it was one parent who was unable to do this; this parent might have had something wrong with their brain. Consequently, this would have impacted their ability to attune to their own and their child’s emotional state.
This parent would then have physically seen them but they typically wouldn’t have been able to see them as an emotional being. The outcome of this is that their feelings and number of their needs would have largely been ignored.
If they did express how they feel or a need, they are likely to have been humiliated, put down, physically harmed and/or rejected and abandoned. As time passed, then, they would have come to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to freely express themselves.
Losing touch with their essence and fading into the background and being a non-entity, along with hiding their feelings and a number of their needs, would have been a way for them to protect themselves. The downside to this was that they needed to be seen and heard to grow to develop in the right way.
Being forced to hide in plain sight to stop themselves from being harmed would have deeply deprived them. But, as their parent lacked the ability to truly see them and provide them with the attunement, mirroring and love that they needed, they had no other choice.
Not adapting in this way would have caused them to experience even more hurt. Ultimately, as they were unable to change this parent or find a family that could love them, they were helpless.
Fortunately, as this stage of their life is over and they are no longer helpless, they can create a life where it is safe for them to be seen and heard. The truth is that they were not seen and heard because there is something inherently wrong with them, they were not seen and heard because one or both of their parents was a deeply wounded human being who was probably not seen during their formative years.
For them to move forward, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.