Early Deprivation: What Can Happen If Someone Was Treated Like An Object During Their Developmental Years?

Even though someone is a valuable human being, who has the right to say no and live their own life, it doesn’t mean that they will know this at the core of their being. Consequently, they can be accustomed to being treated badly and putting up with things that don’t serve them, saying yes to things that they don’t want to do and pleasing others.

Thanks to this, they are likely to live a life that is anything but fulfilling. The trouble is that if they are used to not being there for themselves and being violated by others, this is not going to be much of a surprise.

The Norm

If experiencing life in this way is what is normal, it is likely to show that they have been this way for most if not all of their life. How they experience life is then going to have a negative impact on them but it won’t be something that fully stands out.

Deep down, however, they can believe that they don’t have a choice when it comes to what is going on and just have to accept it. If this is the case, even if they were to step back and reflect on what is going on for them, their life is unlikely to change.

A Bleak Existence

At this point in time, they could have a job that is soul-destroying and a number of their relationships could be anything but nourishing. When it comes to their job, they could typically be treated like they are nothing and taken advantage of.

As for their relationships, this could be another area of their life where they are treated like they are nothing and taken advantage of. Due to this, they could spend a lot of time feeling helpless, hopeless and totally worthless.

A Doormat

Yet, although they will be treated like dirt, they might rarely if ever get angry or enraged. Instead, they could typically feel frustrated, very low and go into a collapsed emotional state.

What this will demonstrate is that as they feel so impotent, they are unable to see another way for them to experience life. If they were to think of another way for them to experience life, it might involve them ending their life.

A Strange Scenario

Ultimately, they don’t deserve to be treated badly; after all, they are not another person’s possession, they are a valuable human being. Furthermore, they have the right to say no and live their own life.

As this is something that they don’t know deep down, it is likely to show that their early years were not very nurturing. This is likely to have been a time when one or both of their parents treated them like they had no value and were solely there to meet their needs.

A Brutal Time

Assuming that this was so and that this was how one parent saw them, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to truly accept that they were a separate being who had their own needs and feelings. It then wouldn’t have mattered what their needs were or how they felt, as they would have generally had to do what this parent wanted.  

As time passed, they would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad, that they had no value and were unlovable, that they were not allowed to say no or to live their own life. To handle what was going on, they would have gradually lost touch with their true self, so their needs and feelings, and developed a disconnected and deflated false self.

The Truth

How they were treated said more about what was going on for their parent than it did about them. Yet, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they wouldn’t have been able to see that this parent was in a bad way.

This is why they would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad, they were nothing, had no value, were not lovable and had no right to say no or live their own life. There is a strong chance that this parent was also treated like a possession during their formative years.

Low Consciousness

For whatever reason, and irrespective of if their material needs were met or appeared to have a ‘model family’, they would have grown up in a very primitive environment. Now that they are an adult, they do have a choice and they can change their life.

For them to move forward, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to work through and developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk