When someone has a house or owns a piece of land, they’re going to know how important it is to have a fence or some kind of sign to mark where their property begins and where it ends. So not only will this let other people know where they shouldn’t go without permission, there will also be a greater chance of ones property being protected.
While some people will still go where they are not supposed to go, there are going to be a lot of people who won’t. And this shows how important it is to let people know where they can go and where they can’t go.
This Is Obvious
This is something that is well known by most people in today’s world. In fact, when one lives in a house or owns a piece of land, they may find that it has always been protected.
So in the majority of cases, this is something that will already be taken care of and one won’t need to even think about it. But while there is plenty of awareness in today’s world around protecting ones property or land, the same cant always be sound when it comes to protecting oneself.
As a human being, one is going to need to protect themselves and this is not because everyone out there has an agenda to cause harm. Of course, some people out there are looking to cause harm, but this is not always the case.
It is because there are going to be differences in what people feel comfortable with. So if one does feel compromised or violated by another human being, it could relate to a situation where another person was abusive and yet, it could also relate to situation where they had no idea that what they were doing was having a negative effect.
The Outside Observer
When it relates to an abusive situation, an outside observe is likely to see that abuse is taking place. But when it relates to a situation where the other person has no idea that what they are doing is wrong, it could look completely harmless.
What this shows is how important it will be for one to affirm their boundaries. If one simply expects other people to know, without letting them know, they are going to end up creating unnecessary problems in their life.
One could just complain and feel like a victim when they allow other people to walk over them. And if this has become pattern in one’s life because it has gone on for so long, one might believe there is nothing they can do about it.
But even though it may appear to just happen and be out of their control, it is something they have control over. They will need to stand their ground and to be assertive. People can’t read minds and unless one speaks up, it won’t matter if they are out to cause harm or not; as they are not going to know that their behaviour is causing one to feel compromised.
And in order for one to know what they feel comfortable with and what they don’t, they will need to be in touch with how they feel. What feels comfortable in one moment might not feel uncomfortable in the next, so one will need to have a strong emotional connection.
Through having a strong connection to ones emotions, one will be able to be guided by them and this will then shape their behaviour. This doesn’t mean that one’s emotions take over and one becomes aggressive or violent when they feel compromised.
What it means is that one is aware of how they feel and uses this information to influence their actions in a conscious manner. One is holding their emotional experience; neither repressing nor reacting to how they feel.
However, when one is out of touch with how they feel, it is then going to be a challenge for them to have boundaries. When something happens one could be unaware of how they feel, but once something has happened, they could soon be aware of how they feel.
At this stage, the feelings they are aware of are probably going to be different. And one might not only be angry at someone else, they could also be angry at themselves. Being emotionally aware is one part of having boundaries; the other part is that one will need to feel that it is safe for them to have them.
If one is out of touch with how they feel, they are going to end up going along with other people and doing what they think will please them. And at the same time, one could be emotionally aware and still end up pleasing other people. This shows how important it is to feel safe.
When one is in touch with how they feel, they are going to be aware of what is going inside their body. And yet, when one is out of touch with how they feel and their focus is on pleasing others, they are unlikely to be aware of what is going on in their body. Their point of focus could be in their head and on how other people are responding.
Pleasing other people and compromising oneself is clearly not the way to live. But although one might want to stand up for themselves, they might feel as though they have no control over their behaviour and wonder why they act as they do.
Or one might be aware of the fact they feel uncomfortable or fearful when it comes to standing their ground. And the reason one doesn’t stand up for themselves is likely be the result of their minds associations around boundaries.
There is the chance that one had an experience or a number of experiences where it wasn’t safe for them to have boundaries. This could have been during their adult years or what happened during their childhood.
Here, one may have been abandoned or experienced some kind of abuse if they were to speak up and affirm their boundaries. So although time has passed, how one felt all those years ago has stayed in their body and therefore causes them to behave in the same way.
So it will be important for one to process what took place and as this happens, one will no longer perceive life in the same way and their behaviour will change. And as they no longer feel the same, the people they attract into their life are going to reflect their inner changes.
This process can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.