There are going to be moments when one looks back and remembers someone who treated them well and then there are going to be moments when this isn’t the case. This could mean that one looks back and ends up feeling angry and this may not only relate to one person, it could relate to a number of people.
It might not matter if what is making them angry happened a few months ago or even a few years ago, as one can feel as though it is happening now. And while one may be going over the experience now, this could be something that happens on a regular basis.
A Regular Occurrence
Time has passed and yet, one doesn’t feel any different. And like a dog with a bone, one is unable to let go of how they felt as a result of what has happened to them. This could be an emotional experience that comes up every now and then or it could have taken over one’s life.
However, even if one’s attention is not completely consumed by what happened, it doesn’t mean that it is not having an effect on their life. The fact that one does get caught up in what happened could be enough for them to stay stuck on in the past.
Yet even though the past is having a negative impact on their life, it doesn’t mean that one is able to move on from what happened. In their mind, letting go could mean that one is letting the other person off and that what they did was acceptable.
Based on this out outlook, letting go is not an option - it is something that must be avoided. While one doesn’t feel good through holding onto what happened, letting go is not something that sounds any better.
If one was to step back from what is taking place within them, they could end up feeling trapped. But at the same time, this can depend on how attached one is to what is happening within them. If one is completely consumed with anger and resentment, it might not be possible for them to see how the past is controlling them.
Although one may feel a sense of control though holding on to what happened, they have actually lost control. What happened would have caused one to experience pain and through holding on, they are allowing this pain to continue.
One of the things that can cause a garden to be out of shape is when weeds grow. Now, in order for one to remove the weeds, they would need to dig them up or to use weed killer (if this is possible). What one would not do if they wanted to remove them, is to water them or add some kind of fertilizer.
It won’t matter if one is a gardener or not, as this is going to be relatively obvious. Yet, when it comes to holding onto past hurts, the same level of understanding is often absent.
One could have a chocolate and then put the rest away, and this could be something that takes place once a week or even month. If one was to eat one and then carry on until the whole box is finished, they could begin to adjust to the higher intake and this could cause them to crave more.
And how one feels when they hold onto a grudge can follow the same route. In the beginning, one might have felt angry and resentful, and this may have been a new experience for them. But the more they felt this way, the more they adjusted to feeling this way and it then become an emotional experience that their body and mind needed to experience.
A Familiar Experience
As time passes, this becomes an emotional experience that is familiar and this means that it feels safe. It then won’t matter how destructive it is, as it is going to feel comfortable.
So if one was to stop feeling the same way, they may start to experience withdrawal symptoms. What this shows is that their mind and body have adjusted to something that is unhealthy.
However, when one is caught up in how they feel, it is not going to be possible for them to step back and to see how their life is being affected. Through being aware of how one feels, it will give them the opportunity to see what is happening.
Holding onto what happened is not harming anyone else; the only person it is harming is oneself. So not only were they affected by what happened, they are continuing to hurt themselves due to what someone else has done.
On The Inside
It is clear that this is an inner experience, but what is not always as clear is the damage that can be done. When one feels resentful, they can feel as though they are getting back at the other person.
But how they feel towards another person is taking place in their body and mind, and this is where the damage is being done. This is why it is important for one to be emotionally aware, or they are not going to realise this. What they might become aware of down the line are the health problems that can arise through holding onto the past.
Anger and resentment are going to be feelings that one is used to experiencing when it comes to holding a grudge, but these are likely to be a cover up for how they feel underneath. So it will be important for them to process how they feel at a deeper level.
This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Another approach that is often recommended is for one to write a letter to the other person about how they feel and then to burn it.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.