The mainstream media covers many areas of life and one of the areas they cover is what one needs to do in order to be happy and healthy. Here, one will be told what they need to do and what they need to avoid.
There will be what one needs to eat and avoid, and what they will need to have in moderation. In addition to this, there will be the kind of exercise one needs to do and how often they need to do it.
Although they may say that one needs to keep their stress levels down or to limit the amount of time that they spend worrying, that’s about as far as it goes when it comes to one’s emotions. If one’s emotions had no affect when it comes to how healthy and happy someone is, this would be understandable.
But as human beings are emotional beings and every part of their life is influenced by how they feel, it is going to be a lot easier for them to be happy and healthy if they have a healthy relationship with their emotions. It is clear that it is important to exercise and to eat well, yet, if one feels ‘bad’, it might not matter how fit they are or what they eat.
It would be easy to point the finger at the media or the ‘scientists’ who come up with this information, but they are just a reflection of society as a whole. Emotions are part of the human experience, but they are rarely given the attention they deserve in today’s world.
If one has emotional problems, for instance, they might end up being labelled as having some kind of ‘disorder’. And while this may mean that one is able to get the support they need to move forward; it can end up being something that holds them back.
The people who have diagnosed them can create the impression that they know what is happening, but this might not be the case. It could be that they are matching one’s behaviour with something they have read in a book.
When this happens, it is not going to be possible for them to be present and to see the person for who they are. They will no longer see a human being, what they will see is a set of behaviours that match up with a certain ‘disorder’.
But even if one isn’t given a label, it doesn’t mean they have a healthy relationship with their emotions. What it could mean is that one avoids their emotions through one of the options that society provides.
It would be then be easy to blame these options (such as alcohol, drugs and gambling), but if there was a greater understanding of emotions in today’s world, it would be different. This is because when people are able to be with their emotions and know how to work through them, they are not going to be drawn to these external sources.
If one does have a healthy relationship with their emotions, it is likely to be due to what happened during their childhood or what they have done as an adult. This means that their caregivers would have given them the guidance that they needed or they had to guide themselves.
When an unhealthy relationship is formed during someone’s early years, it may stay this way for the rest of their life. This is partly because the mainstream education system rarely offers any guidance.
A Different Approach
Yet, if one has been able to develop a new relationship with their emotions as an adult, they won’t be defined by what happened during their childhood. This will give them the chance to diagnose themselves as opposed to being diagnosed by someone else.
One will also have the strength to be with their emotions and to no longer run away from them or to push them out of their awareness. The time it takes for one person to develop a healthy relationship with their emotions won’t necessarily be the same as it will for another.
When one is able to be with their emotions, it will mean that they have the ability to contain them; how they feel is not being expressed and it is not being denied either. This will give one the chance to listen to what is taking place within them and to allow their emotions to guide them.
It will then be possible for one to be a whole human being and to no longer disconnect from their body. And as one’s mind and body can work together, it will be a lot easier for them to be happy and healthy, among other things.
If one wanted to double the amount of weight that they lifted at the gym, they would have to build up to that weight. One could just go for it, but it might be too heavy and they might even injure themselves.
Just as if one doesn’t feel comfortable with their emotions, it is not going to be possible for them to contain them straight away. In order to handle what is taking place in their body, they will need to develop inner strength.
Emotional Build Up
When one doesn’t have this inner strength, it will be normal for them to avoid their emotions and this will cause them to build-up. If one’s emotions were not acknowledged when they were younger, this build up may have started during their childhood.
The more they build up, the more one is going to want to avoid them and the more they avoid them, the more they will build up. This means that one won’t get the chance to develop emotional resilience.
If one doesn’t feel comfortable with their emotions, they will need to reach out for support. When someone develops the ability to contain their emotions during their childhood, it will be because of how the people around them responded to their emotions.
This external support would have enabled them to develop their emotional strength. The external support that one missed out on can be provided by a therapist, healer and/or a support group.
Through being affirmed and by being able to grieve unmet childhood needs, one will start to develop the ability to contain their emotions. The therapist or healer will create a safe space and provide the containment that one needs in order to face their emotions.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.