What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they often feel alone, ignored and unsupported. Now, this could be a sign that they don’t have many friends and spend a lot of time by themselves, or it might not be this black and white.
If they can relate to the former, it will be clear why they often feel this way. But, if they can relate to the latter, it won’t be as clear why they would often feel this way.
The reason for this is that they won’t spend a lot of time alone and they will have friends, so it could be said that they shouldn’t feel this way. However, what this illustrates is that it is not enough for someone to simply spend time around others.
For them to feel connected, seen and supported, they will be to spend time around people that are able to attune to them. Along with this, they will need to feel comfortable enough to express how they feel and their needs.
A Common Occurrence
If they do have people in their life, then, they could find that they are not truly seen by most of them. What could also stand out is that they rarely open up about what is going on for them.
At this point, they could believe that if the people in their life were different, they would open up. Yet, as most of them are not interested in how they feel or their needs, they would be wasting their time.
A Tough Time
Naturally, as they are an independent human being, they need to deeply connect with at least a few of their fellow human beings. Simply spending time in the company of others is not going to be enough.
That is not to say that this won’t serve them as it is going to be better than nothing but it will be a poor replacement. To use an analogy; they will be living on scrapes as opposed to having nutritious meals.
Not receiving what they need is going to deprive them of the nutrients that they need to be at their best. As a result of this, in addition to feeling alone, ignored and unsupported, they might often feel down and very low.
They are going to be desperate to be around people who are able to emotionally connect to them and who they feel safe enough to open up to. One thing that they may do to change how they feel is to eat or drink.
Not the Same
If they do eat food, this will probably allow them to feel better for a little while. Yet, before long, they will soon come crashing back down to earth and face to face with how depriving their life is.
And, as they will have felt better, albeit artificially, it might be harder for them to handle what is going on. Undoubtedly, they are going to be desperate for their life to change, so that they no longer have to spend as much time running on empty.
If this is how their life has been for as long as they can remember, they might wonder if their life will ever change. But, if their life has been this way for a very long time, this is to be expected.
To understand why they are experiencing life in this way, it will be a good idea for them to think about what their early years were like. The reason is that their adult life is probably a continuation of what took place at this stage of their life was like.
Back In Time
During this period of their life, one or both of their parents might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to attune to them. Consequently, this would have deprived them of the attunement that they needed to grow and develop in the right way,
Not being seen and provided with the love and support that they needed would have deeply wounded them. To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed the pain they were in and they would have lost touch with their true self.
As they were powerless and dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on and had to adapt to a dysfunctional environment. Not only this, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that their needs, feelings and themselves were bad.
Many, many years will have passed sign this stage of their life, but as a number of their needs were rarely if ever met and ended up being repressed, they will still be looking for what they missed out on. This is then why they will have unconsciously recreated a life where they are deprived of the attunement that they need.
A New Chapter
For them to leave this barren existence behind, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and unmet developmental needs to experience. By engaging in this process, they will finally be able to meet their adult need to be seen and heard.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.