Emotional Expression: Can The Fear Of Abandonment Stop Someone From Expressing How They Feel?7/8/2017
If someone wanted to explain something to another person, there are a number of ways for them to do so. It could be said that the most important thing will be for them to use words, as this will allow them to be understood.
In addition to this, they can use their body and their emotions. Now, these two parts are clearly not essential, but what they will do is bring what they have to say to life. A Big Difference Through utilising their body and emotions, it will be a lot easier for the other person to pay attention to what they have to say. It then might not matter if what they have to say is not very interesting. What this comes down to is that what someone says is not always as important as how they say it. So, if one knows how to express themselves, there is a greater chance that other people will listen to them. Part of Life When one feels comfortable with their emotions it will be normal for them to behave in this manner. This can show that they have a healthy relationship with their emotions, and this is then why they don’t need to reject this part of their nature. Consequently, there is the chance that one will also be happy to express how they feel. Through being this way, they won’t need to ignore how they feel and to come across as stoic. A Time and A Place This doesn’t mean that they will always express how they feel, as there are going to be moments in their life when this is not going to be a good idea. For example, if one had job where they had to serve customers, they are not always going to be able to express how they feel. As if a customer was to cause problems, it will be necessary for them to act in a civilised manner. If they were to allow their emotions to get the better of them, it might end up causing even more problems. A Choice However, moments like these are going to be the exception as opposed to the rule, as one won’t always behave in this way. One will have the freedom to express how they feel, and this is likely to have a positive effect on all of their relationships. Now only will it be easier for other people to pay attention to what they have to say, it will be easier for people to connect to them. After all, it is not just ideas that connect people; it is also how they feel. A Deeper Connection If one was to think about the people in their life who they have a strong connection with, they are likely to find they share how they feel with them and that these people do the same. It is through sharing how they feel that enables them to have such a strong connection. On the other hand, if one was think about the people in their life who they don’t have this kind of connection with; they may find that they only talk about surface level things. They are then sharing what is taking place in their mind, but that’s about it. Another Part Still, this is not to say that one can form a strong connection with someone by just expressing how they feel as it is not this black and white. Naturally, there are going to other things that need to be in place. For one thing, it will be a good idea for them to have the same values; having similar interests will also help. Thus, it will be a challenge for one to form a strong connection with someone if they don’t express how they feel. Comfortable So, if one is going through challenging time in their life, they could get in touch with a friend and express how they feel. During this time one is being vulnerable, and it could be said that this takes a lot of courage. Another way of looking at it would be to say that what this shows is that one feels comfortable enough to open up. Regardless of what they are going through, they will be able to open up to the people they are close to. Another Experience It then doesn’t take a lot of brain power to see that if one can’t express how they feel, their life is going to be very different. They are then going to be happy to share what is taking place in their mind, but that will generally be as far as it will go. From the outside, it might seem as though nothing ever affects them, and there could be people who see this as a good thing. They could admire the fact that nothing ever seems to faze them; it might seem as though they are incredibly robust. Disconnected What this could show is that these people are on the other end of the spectrum, meaning that they are controlled by their emotions and one controls how they feel. Yet, while one side can be seen as being better than the other, they are both going to lead to problems. Ultimately, one is going to spend a lot of time being out of touch with how they feel, and this is going to make it hard for people to connect to them and for them to connect to others. If they do get in touch with how they feel, it could be because they are by themselves. What’s going on? Therefore, it is not that one doesn’t have emotions; it is that they find it hard to express how they feel around others. So even though they will come across as stoic around others, they could be highly emotional when they are by themselves. When this is what feels safe, it is likely to show that they fear that something bad will happen if they embrace how they feel around others. If they were to get in touch with their body, they may find that they fear that they will be abandoned. The Reason During their younger years, they may have been brought up by a caregiver who was unable to be there for them emotionally. If they expressed their emotions around them, they may have been abandoned. Through being treated in this way, one would have learnt that it wasn’t safe for them to express their emotions. In order to survive, they would have had to disconnect from how they feel. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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