If someone is not in a good place emotionally, they could end up talking to a friend about how they feel. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they will want this person to do anything; simply sharing what is going on for them could be enough.
Opening up about what is going on for them can lighten their load, so to speak, and may allow them to settle down for a short while. Being able to do this can also allow them to gain valuable insights.
The fact that they have reached out in this way is likely to show that they are in tune with their feelings and that they feel comfortable with them. Opening up about how they feel to the people they trust is then going to be normal.
If they were an independent human being, they wouldn’t need to reach out to other people as they would be able to take care of all of their needs by themselves. Yet, as this is not the case, it is good that they do reach out to others.
If they are in an intimate relationship, opening up about how they feel is also likely to be normal. This will allow them to feel closer to their partner and for their partner to feel closer to them.
Behaving in this way will mean that they are being vulnerable - the same goes for their partner - but this is what will enable them to experience a deeper connection. The alternative would be for them to hide this part of themselves and to have a very surface level relationship.
Being, not doing
In a lot of cases, one will share how they feel and they won’t need their partner to do anything for them. The same thing will apply in a lot of case when their partner opens up to them about how they feel.
One of them will just hold the space for the other to share what is going on for them. Whoever does this will do what they can to stay present and to listen with their heart.
An Important Ability
If one of them was to open up and the other was to try to fix them, for instance, this could cause the former to feel invalidated and as though they are not being heard. If one asked for advice, this would be different.
Simply listening will take far less effort than trying to change or to fix what they are going through, and it will most likely lead to a better outcome. One will feel as though their boundaries have been respected and this can strengthen the connection that they have together.
A Different Scenario
Conversely, someone could be going through a tough time but they might keep what they are going through to themselves. The thought of sharing how they feel with another person might not even cross their mind.
As a result of this, they could do whatever they can to keep their feelings at bay and to carry on with their life. Carrying all this emotional weight by themselves is likely to put a lot of pressure on their being, which is likely to have a negative impact on their wellbeing,
They might not have many friends and they could be single, too; then again, it might not be this black and white. One could have plenty of people in their life, and they could even be in a relationship.
Nonetheless, even if there are a fair amount of people in their life and they are in a relationship, it won’t matter. One is rarely, if ever, going to reveal how they feel to these people.
So although one will be an independent human being, someone who needs others, they will act as though they are completely independent. And if they do see other people open up, they could view them as weak and/or needy.
Being this way is going to make it hard for them to develop deeper connections with others, in addition to the fact that they will suffer by keeping everything in. But while this will cause them to suffer, it is likely to be what feels comfortable.
A Big Risk
Hiding their feelings will mean that they will hide their true-self, yet the only way this will change is if they feel comfortable enough to reveal how they feel. As their feelings are just part of being human, it can seem strange as to why they would have the need to hide them from others.
Nevertheless, there may have been a time in their life when their feelings were seen as a problem, setting them up to feel ashamed of this part of their being. This side of them would have been rejected by others and one would then have come to reject this part of themselves.
Back In Time
Perhaps one was brought up by caregivers who didn’t respond positively to their emotional needs. Showing this part of their being may have caused them to be rejected and/or abandoned.
This would have caused them to believe that there was something inherently wrong with their emotional self. Keeping this part of them hidden would have been painful, but it would have been even more painful if they revealed it.
One has rejected this part of themselves because other people rejected this part of them at a stage of their life when they were unable to see that there wasn’t anything wrong with this part of them. How their caregivers responded to this part of them was probably no different to how their caregivers responded to their feelings when they were growing.
If one can relate to this, and wants to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.