Emotional Healing: Can Someone's Need To Stay Loyal To Their Family Stop Them From Being Able To Heal?
When one has a problem with their car, they are likely to take it to a garage. If they don’t do this, it could be because it is something that is easy to fix or it could be a sign that they have a deeper understanding of how cars work and are able to fix it themselves.
Either way, they are going to do what they need to do to put things right, and before long, they might soon be able to carry on with the rest of their life. One reason why this whole process shouldn’t take too long is that one is unlikely to experience shame.
Therefore, when one has a problem with their car they don’t need to feel bad; they just need to get the right assistance. If one has been driving carelessly, for instance, they might experience shame, but this is more likely to be the exception as opposed to the rule.
And when one can reach out for support when they need it, their life is going to be a lot easier. For one thing, they won’t need to try and do everything by themselves, and this means they are embracing their interdependence.
A Different Experience
However, while it can be relatively easy to reach out for support when one has a problem with their car, the same cant always be said when they have an inner challenge. In this case, it can be normal for them to suffer in silence, and to pretend that everything is fine.
This is not to say that progress hasn’t been made when it comes to talking about mental and emotional problems; what it comes down to is that this is still an area that is often overlooked in today’s world. When one has an inner challenge, they can cover up how they feel, and this can be because of how they think other people would respond if they were to find out.
Having a mental and emotional problem can be something that causes one to experience shame, and it is then going to be a challenge for them to reach out. Instead of getting the support they need, they can end up being drawn to things that will cause them even more pain.
One could be in a position where the people around them are not even aware of what they are going through. As a result of this, one can be around others and still feel as though they are completely cut-off.
Through one’s need to experience relief from the pain they are experiencing, they could end up being drawn to alcohol, drugs, sex, work and/or food. Through using these options (and many others), they might end up being completely disconnected from what is taking place within them.
This could then cause them to believe that there is nothing wrong with them. If other people were to see what they are doing, they might not realise that they are trying to avoid themselves, and this is partly because these kinds of escapes are so widespread.
What they are doing can then be seen as normal, and the people around them might not to think anything if it. Also, if they are behaving in the same way, it might not even stand out.
They are then going to be in the same position, and this means they are not going to be able to support them. If they do, it could be a sign that they are in denial, and that they are trying to rescue others as opposed to rescuing themselves.
There is also the chance that one won’t suffer in silence or avoid how they feel, and that they will reach out for support. In the beginning, they might browse the internet and then go onto read a few books.
But then again, they might look for a therapist and/or some kind of support group first, and once they have done this, they might start to do their own research. The most important thing is that they are taking action, and this will allow them to gradually find the support that they need.
When one has emotional problems, it can cause them to have mental problems too, and this is because these two aspects are not separate. A common approach is to work on the mind and to ignore the emotional body.
This means that the mind is seen as the most important area, and everything else is then a consequence of what is taking place in the mind. At times, this can be the case, but there are other times when it is not the case.
If one is suffering from depression, they might be encouraged to change their thinking and their behaviour. However, if the reason they are depressed is because of what is taking place in their body, and not their mind, they will need to try another approach.
One could also feel powerless, and once again, they might hear that they need to change what is taking place in their head. This might work for a short time, but as time passes, they might end up feeling the same.
Working through the Pain
By working with a therapist who gives them the support they need to get in touch with their emotional pain, they can start to let go of how they feel. This could be a time where they work through their unmet childhood needs and/or through unprocessed grief, for instance.
One way to let go of the pain with be to cry it out, and as this takes place, they might start to feel better. Their mind could settle down and their behaviour may also change as this happens.
Doing the Right Things
However, one could find that their life doesn’t change even though they have been working through their emotional pain. This could cause them to believe that they need to keep going, or they might be told to look at why they would hold themselves back.
This is something that is often described a ‘secondary gain’, and it usually relates to something that is just outside of one’s awareness. If one takes the time to get in touch with why they are holding themselves back, they may find that they need to remain loyal to their family.
As a result of this, it won’t matter what they do or how long they do it for. If they were to move forward in life, it would cause them to feel as though they are betraying the people who gave them life.
In this case, it won’t be enough for them to work on themselves; they will need to use another approach. If they were to try and do this by through working on themselves or through trying another ‘technique’, they could end up wasting their time, energy, and money.
In order to let go of their need to be loyal, they will need to work with someone who can release the entanglements they have to their family. This is something that can take place through using family constellations.
One can take part in a workshop or they can have a one-to-one session. As they do this, they might find that the pain they are experiencing relates to something one of their family members was unable to process, and this means it has nothing to do with them.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.